Royal Rumble 2004

(All screen captures are the property of World Wrestling Entertainment)

Royal Rumble

January 25, 2004

Wachovia Center

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

News & Notes: Plenty happened after Survivor Series and Armageddon, so I have much to discuss. Let’s begin with RAW’s extra storylines.

Bischoff wouldn’t put up with Foley like he did Austin, so Eric booked Orton vs. Foley. If Mick won, Bischoff would quit. But if Orton succeeded, Foley had to leave. Mick was unsure about returning to the ring, so he suffered a crisis of confidence and walked away from the fight. Orton called him a coward and spat in his face, but Mick still left. Then Orton offered him a front-row seat, but Foley didn’t appear. Meanwhile, Foley’s petition worked. The board reinstated Austin, but Stone Cold wanted to be the sheriff, not the GM. The board eventually banned him from making matches, but Austin needed to keep Bischoff in check. Austin also ordered Foley to show up at the Rumble or he would violate Stone Cold’s law.

In other news, Kane eulogized the Undertaker. He said his brother died when he felt sympathy for Stephanie. So, he buried that fraud and impostor alive. Afterward, Kane ruined Booker T’s shot at the Intercontinental Title and feuded with him. Elsewhere, Jericho desperately sought to convince Trish he liked her. She almost gave him a chance, but Christian ruined it out of jealousy. He took Jericho for a night on the town and showed Trish the pictures. Next, we have the women. Molly betrayed Victoria and paid for it. Victoria got payback by pinning Molly to become the #1 contender. Lastly, Mark Henry and Teddy Long cashed in their favor to make Teddy the co-GM for one night. He added Coach to the commentary team to create a three-man booth.

On Smackdown, John Cena began a rivalry with the Big Show after Show cost Cena a #1 contender’s contest. Cena beat Big Show at the Tribute to the Troops. They even had a rap battle, which ended with Cena kicking Big Show in the nuts. While that was going on, they aired vignettes for the return of Ernest “the Cat” Miller. The Cat and his butler, Lamont, only desired to dance with people. But when Miller tried it with Sable, she rebuffed his advances. Miller kissed her despite the rejection, earning him Vince McMahon’s ire. Vince danced with Miller and kicked him in the balls. Now, there’s Shannon Moore. Heyman blamed him for Matt Hardy’s defection and punished Moore with fights against Morgan, Jones, Big Show, and A-Train. And finally, Heyman hired Dawn Marie as his personal secretary.

The PPV: The opening video uses images of a desert highway as a metaphor for the roads of life. No one knows where they will take us. Do our decisions guide us, or does fate play a bigger role? The twists make one thing for certain. There is no certainty. Everything can change in an instant. The stuff you hold close can disappear and vanish like a lost thought. Lifelong trust and blood can betray you, and families can become broken. These events will take away the future you foresaw! Tonight, the past’s pivotal points collide when 30 men compete for a chance to headline WrestleMania. It will shatter some men’s dreams, and no lives will be the same, but one moment could change it all! Fate will rear his head, and destiny will play his hand. The road to WrestleMania begins here.

Next, fireworks explode while generic rock replaces “Nothing Left to Lose” by Puddle of Mudd. JR welcomes everybody to the 17^th annual Royal Rumble. Lawler and Coach are with him, but Coach says he’s there to watch the Dudleys get their asses kicked for what they did to him. Meanwhile, the atmosphere pumps up Cole, Tazz, and the Spanish announcers.

Speaking of the Dudleys, the Fink says they hail from New York City. So much for Dudleyville, I guess. They air a recap of the Dudleys giving Coach another 3D, so JR and Lawler mock Coachman. Then Evolution arrives, and Batista cuts a promo. He wonders what the Dudleys’ deal is. Evolution whipped them at Armageddon and on RAW, and they’ll do it again. Dave says this makes the Dudleys three-time losers, like the Philadelphia Eagles. The comment causes a brawl between the teams.

Tables Match for the World Tag Team Titles: Batista & Ric Flair (c) vs. The Dudley Boyz

Storyline: Bischoff made Ric Flair the special referee for a Dudley Boyz match. Flair disqualified the Dudleys, costing them a win over some jobbers. Then Batista and Flair jumped the Dudleys and beat them up. Later, Spike sought revenge on La Resistance for the botched table spot. He defeated Dupree, but Flair and Batista ambushed all the Dudleys afterward. The attack happened the same night the Dudleys had a tag title shot against Flair and Batista. Bubba and D-Von still hit the 3D on Flair, but Triple H distracted them so Batista could do a Batista Bomb to retain their belts. Next, D-Von faced Batista and lost. Flair and Batista tried to slam him through a table, but Bubba prevented it. Finally, the Dudleys saved Hurricane and Rosey from Evolution and almost gave Flair the 3D on a table. Coach stopped them, so the Dudleys drove him through it instead.

The Match: The Dudleys send Batista into the post and backdrop Flair on the floor. They also slide a table into Batista’s ribs before D-Von powerslams Flair. The Dudleys attempt to suplex Ric on a table, but Batista saves him. Nevertheless, D-Von scores a swinging neckbreaker and clotheslines Batista over the ropes. While this happens, Bubba gives Flair the Flip, Flop, & Fly and rams Ric’s head into a table. Batista intervenes until he crashes into the corner and takes a back suplex/neckbreaker combo. Plus, Bubba slams Flair off the top rope, so Coach interferes. The Dudleys pull Coachman into the ring and rip his shirt. They try to give him the Wassup Drop, but Flair stops it. D-Von answers with a flying clothesline to Ric. Unfortunately, Batista grabs D-Von and plants him on the table with a spinebuster.

Thoughts: I thought you had to put both members through tables to win. The ending confused me. They finished too abruptly, so it’s hard to consider this good. They didn’t find their momentum before the closing moments. What we got wasn’t bad, but this never fully clicked.

Winners: Batista & Ric Flair (5:29)

A winded Coach announces Evolution as the victor. He calls it a hard-fought victory and interviews Flair and Batista in the aisle. Flair says Evolution did exactly what they said they would do. They put D-Von’s ass through a table. Flair says, “Evolution forever. Woo!” The comment makes JR call Flair deranged, but Lawler says this bodes well for Evolution.

Meanwhile, Josh Matthews says John Cena could live out his dream to headline WrestleMania. The only problem is that 29 other men stand in his way. Cena tells everyone to place money on the kid who pumps up his shoes. If you bet on anyone else, your money is gone. Cena calls himself the franchise. He doesn’t care if it’s Smackdown or RAW. John is keeping it real with his Mitchell & Ness Tug McGraw jersey. Those 29 other dudes can’t see him. Cena says he will win the Rumble, but RVD interrupts to predict his success. Cena agrees RVD is cool, but he believes RVD has been talking to Mary Jane. If Rob thinks he’s the winner, he can suck Cena’s candy cane. Cena is cutting through the competition like a knife. He will be victorious, and that’s word mother frickin’ life!

Then, they show an empty seat in the front row. Sheriff Austin reserved the spot for Mick Foley, but Lawler says he gave up on him. Where is the coward? Lawler does chicken noises while he asks the question.

Cruiserweight Title Match: Rey Mysterio (c) vs. Jamie Noble (w/ Nidia)

Storyline: A blind Nidia kept costing Noble matches. Jamie grew frustrated until he realized he could use Nidia as a weapon and a distraction to win. Noble blamed his opponents every time this occurred. Then Noble lost to Mysterio in a #1 contender’s contest despite distracting Rey with Nidia. Afterward, Rey told Nidia what Noble was doing, but she didn’t believe him. Noble denied the allegations and reminded Nidia he paid for all her eye surgeries. Meanwhile, Mysterio defeated Tajiri to capture the Cruiserweight Title. They scheduled Noble vs. Tajiri to determine Rey’s first opponent, but Noble didn’t show up. Heyman made Nidia fight Tajiri in his place. Rey rescued her, but Noble attacked him. The following week, Noble vs. Tajiri happened. Rey rescued Nidia from Akio and Sakoda, but Noble used Nidia as a shield to beat Tajiri. Finally, Noble paid the FBI to ambush Mysterio.

The Match: Noble blocks an O’Connor Roll, avoids a 619, and drops Rey on the ropes twice. Then he fends off a pin attempt and locks Rey in a chinlock and a seated ab stretch. Once Rey escapes, he counters a gorilla press with a dropkick and nails a springboard hurricanrana. A wheelbarrow bulldog follows before Rey performs a springboard crossbody. Noble catches Rey and does a gutbuster, but Rey prevents a Tiger Driver. As they go for more, Nidia interferes. The problem is that she grabs Noble’s foot, thinking he is Rey. The mistake allows Rey to do the 619 and a springboard leg drop for the three.

Thoughts: Here’s another bout where they cut it off before it gained traction. They must have saved time for the later contests, which was a shame. You know exactly which match they gave those minutes. Triple H had to have it. At least we got storyline development in this brief encounter.

Winner: Rey Mysterio (3:06)

Noble yells at Nidia and asks her if she knows what she has cost him. When a fan hears this argument, he calls Noble whiny.

Now, it’s time for Chavo Guerrero vs. Eddie Guerrero. Chavo brings Chavo Sr. with him, which angers Michael Cole. Michael thinks Chavo Sr. will beat up Eddie again, so he goes on a tirade. Tazz tells him to switch to decaf. But Cole isn’t the only one with anger issues. They talk about Eddie’s Latino Heat. Can he control his temper during this bout?

Eddie Guerrero vs. Chavo Guerrero (w/ Chavo Sr.)

Storyline: Chavo said Eddie focused more on stealing the spotlight than helping him. Eddie tried to fix this by aiding him with victories, but this appeared as if Eddie was trying to grab more attention. Things came to a head when Eddie entered the Rumble, and Chavo called him selfish. Then Chavo slapped Eddie after a loss, so Kurt Angle wanted to play peacemaker. He got them a tag title shot, but the team imploded. Chavo attacked Eddie and left him bloody. Angle felt guilty, so he invited Chavo Sr. to apologize for Chavo. However, the Chavos beat Eddie up. Kurt swore he didn’t know that would happen, but Eddie thanked him for making him see the light. Finally, Eddie and Kurt fought the Chavos. Chavo poked Kurt’s eye. A blinded Angle accidentally gave Eddie the Angle Slam, and Chavo pinned Eddie.

The Match: They shove and slap each other while tussling into the corners for clean breaks. Eddie keeps taking Chavo to the mat and flips him off, but he refuses to punch his nephew. Eddie even displays remorse after using an eye poke. The hesitation allows Chavo to rally with a headscissors over the ropes. With Eddie outside, Chavo distracts the ref while his dad attacks Eddie. Chavo Sr. rams Eddie into the steps, and Chavo Jr. sends him into the announcer’s table. Despite this, Eddie still won’t punch Chavo. He opts for a cross armbreaker instead. Once Chavo escapes, he tries the Three Amigos. Eddie stops it, blocks a tornado DDT, and shows Chavo how to do the Three Amigos. A Frog Splash follows for the victory.

Thoughts: They had little time, much like the other encounters, but they used it wisely. Eddie and Chavo sprinkled enough storytelling and good action throughout this to make this enjoyable. I wish it was longer, but I liked what they did.

Winner: Eddie Guerrero (8:02)

Eddie catches Chavo Sr. attempting to jump him, so Eddie attacks. He almost leaves, but Eddie hears fans chanting his name. He turns and gives Chavo Sr. a low blow before yelling at the younger Chavo. Then Eddie snaps. He chokes the elder Chavo with his tie and uses it to secure Chavo Sr. to the ropes. With Chavo Sr. subdued, Eddie bloodies Chavo Jr. and drags him around by his face. Chavo Sr. asks Eddie what he has done. Cole tries to justify this by saying Chavo deserved the beating, but this feels weird. They’re trying to portray Eddie as a babyface.

Backstage, Josh Matthews interviews Chris Benoit. He says Benoit qualified for the Rumble, but Heyman made him the #1 entrant. Josh asks about Benoit’s chances of winning, but Chris can’t answer. Evolution interrupts him. Flair is drinking champagne and celebrating Evolution’s win. He calls Benoit the best technical wrestler alive, but Flair says Orton will win the Rumble. Ric also says Benoit gets second every time he goes out there. He grabs the brass ring, but it slips out of his hand. Ric says tonight is about Evolution and Triple H, so he offers them a drink. Flair tosses champagne into Josh’s face and calls Benoit second best before leaving. Tazz agrees. He says Benoit can’t win the big one.

WWE Title Match: Brock Lesnar (c) vs. Hardcore Holly

Storyline: Holly saved Benoit from Lesnar and put Brock in a Full Nelson, so Heyman suspended Holly. Then Lesnar beat Mysterio in Rey’s hometown, but Holly disguised himself as a fan and jumped Lesnar. Since Holly wouldn’t go away, Heyman gave him a chance. Bob teamed up with Shannon Moore against A-Train and Morgan. If they won, Holly could get any match. Holly and Moore succeeded despite Brock beating Moore up beforehand, and Holly chose a title shot against Lesnar. Later, Holly rescued Rey from Big Show and bloodied Show. Holly battled Show in a Street Fight where he injured Show’s neck, so Big Show got a restraining order. Afterward, Lesnar stuck close to Big Show so Holly couldn’t come near him, but Show grew tired of this. Finally, Lesnar, Show, Morgan, and Rhyno fought Cena and Benoit. They barricaded Show in his locker room, but Show returned for revenge.

The Match: Holly attacks Lesnar as he arrives, and they brawl around ringside. Bob shoves Lesnar into the post when Brock seeks an F5, but Brock evades Holly’s flying axehandle inside the ring. Now, Brock focuses on Holly’s spine with a suplex, a fisherman’s buster, and a grounded gut-wrench. Lesnar also uses a belly-to-belly, a bear hug, and a head and arm lock with a bodyscissors. Once Holly escapes, he scores knockdowns and an Alabama Slam before hooking Brock in a full nelson. Holly holds on tenaciously, even when they tumble outside. He has to break it to stop the count, but Holly tries again at the apron. This time, Brock gives him a hotshot. Undaunted, Holly wants another full nelson. Brock arm drags him, allowing Lesnar to land an F5 for the three.

Thoughts: This was dull. Unlike the previous bout, they didn’t use their time well. They spent most of this encounter on the mat in long holds. I understood the story they told, but it didn’t thrill me. Taking Holly as a credible threat was hard enough without the lackluster action.

Winner: Brock Lesnar (6:22)

Backstage, the trainer tapes Triple H’s fists. Meanwhile, Shawn Michaels prays ahead of his Last Man Standing contest against Hunter.

Last Man Standing Match for the World Title: Triple H (c) vs. Shawn Michaels

Storyline: Shawn and RVD teamed to face Triple H, Batista, and Flair. Goldberg was originally their partner, but Bischoff deactivated Goldberg for thirty days. Nevertheless, Shawn pinned Hunter, so Foley offered Shawn a title shot. When the bout happened, Bischoff took over after the ref went down. Shawn appeared to win, but Bischoff said both men’s shoulders were on the mat and called the outcome a draw. Michaels superkicked Bischoff in anger. Bischoff fired him, but Austin rehired Shawn and booked a rematch in a Last Man Standing contest. Then Austin wouldn’t budge when Triple H threatened him, so Triple H gave Shawn a Pedigree. However, Shawn returned to superkick Hunter. Later, Shawn and Hunter had a war of words about their history together. The segment ended with Shawn giving Coach a superkick to demonstrate how quickly he could finish Triple H.

The Match: They trade strikes and takedowns until Triple H scores a facebreaker. Hunter focuses on Shawn’s back with whips into the corner and a backbreaker. Shawn targets Hunter’s legs with a dragon screw, a low dropkick, and a Figure Four. Then they clear the announcers’ tables. It looks like they won’t use them, but a series of blocks and counters ends with Shawn crashing on the table on a missed springboard crossbody. The crash leaves Shawn bloody, but he rises. Now, Triple H attacks the cut and tells Shawn to stay down. He doesn’t listen, so Triple H introduces a chair. Hunter whacks him in the back and seeks a Pedigree on the weapon, but Shawn avoids it.

Shawn fetches the chair and busts Triple H open. A jumping forearm and a kip-up follow. Next, Shawn adds a Manhattan Drop and a flying elbow before tuning up the band. Unfortunately, Hunter gives Shawn a low blow as he goes for Sweet Chin Music. Shawn responds with a sleeper hold, but Hunter still gets up and lands a DDT. After a slug-fest, Triple H sends Shawn into an upside-down bump and attempts a back superplex. Shawn turns it into a crossbody in mid-air, yet Hunter recovers for a Pedigree. Shawn rallies and nails Sweet Chin Music. The problem is that neither man reaches their feet. The fight concludes in a double knockout.

Thoughts: This was good, but they overdid the drama and had a disappointing result. It didn’t work how they intended. You can do melodrama well if you play it right, but I don’t think this succeeded. The fans chanted bullshit and booed.

Winner: Draw (23:05)

Evolution checks on Triple H while they quickly load Hunter and Shawn onto stretchers. Shawn doesn’t want them to wheel him down the aisle, so he gets off his gurney and stumbles up the ramp. The officials help him backstage.

JR joins Tazz to call the Rumble. Then the Fink tries to explain the rules, but Bischoff interrupts him. Eric claims a RAW superstar will win. Plus, he insults Heyman in Philly. Eric says people here like Heyman because he ran shows in a rundown bingo hall. However, the Smackdown superstars shoved soap down Heyman’s throat. (Cena defeated Rhyno in a Wash Your Mouth Out with Soap contest, so Heyman had to take the punishment.) As Bischoff brags about his superstars’ loyalty, Heyman arrives. Instead of talking, Heyman jumps Eric. They brawl until Austin drives his ATV into the arena. He wants to know who started this mess, so Eric and Paul blame each other. Austin gives Bischoff a Stunner and calls for beers. He toasts Heyman, but Austin also stuns him.

Meanwhile, Terri interviews the #30 entrant, Goldberg. She says Goldberg’s number provides him with an advantage, but Goldberg can’t respond. Lesnar appears before he speaks. Brock says Goldberg doesn’t matter. Didn’t Terri see him beat Hardcore Holly? Goldberg asks if Brock finished putting himself over, so Lesnar mocks Goldberg for losing his title. Bill says that’s in the past. He predicts a Rumble victory and vows to regain his gold at Mania. That’s all that matters. Goldberg says, “Isn’t that right, Hardcore?” Brock turns around to look behind him when he hears this, but there’s no one there. Once he realizes Goldberg duped him, Brock faces Goldberg. Bill says people have the nerve to call Foley a coward, but Goldberg doesn’t think so. Tazz disagrees. Foley still isn’t in his front-row seat, so JR admits Foley will be a coward if he doesn’t show up.

Now, it’s time for the Rumble. Benoit enters at #1, so JR talks about HBK’s win in 1995. Orton comes out at #2 to begin the fight.

30-Man Royal Rumble Match

Storyline: Heyman held a #1 contender’s battle royal but made Benoit and Cena qualify. Then Benoit and Cena went out simultaneously, so Heyman booked a one-on-one bout to settle it. However, Heyman’s goons attacked to cause a no contest. Benoit finally earned a shot when Big Show cost Cena the rematch, but Benoit passed out in Lesnar’s submission. As a result, Heyman said Benoit would never receive another chance as long as he was GM. Meanwhile, Cena had to find a partner to fight the FBI for slots in the Rumble. Benoit joined Cena, and they succeeded, so Benoit laughed at Heyman. Heyman responded by making Benoit the #1 entrant in the Rumble. Benoit also had to compete in a mini-rumble against the FBI. Later, Heyman had tag partners and faction members wrestle each other for spots. On RAW, Goldberg won a battle royal to become the #30 competitor.

The Match: 1. Chris Benoit, 2. Randy Orton, 3. Mark Henry, 4. Tajiri, 5. Bradshaw, 6. Rhyno, 7. Matt Hardy, 8. Scott Steiner, 9. Matt Morgan, 10. The Hurricane.

Everybody scuffles until Bradshaw arrives and hands out Clotheslines from Hell. He tries to give one to Benoit, but Chris dumps Bradshaw. Then Tajiri puts Mark Henry in a Tarantula. Rhyno gores them, knocking Tajiri to the floor, but Tajiri spits mist into Henry’s face. The act allows Benoit to knock Henry outside. Afterward, Steiner gets in and suplexes everyone. While that happens, Matt Morgan shows off his power. He powerbombs Benoit and catches the Hurricane before flinging him over the ropes.

11. Booker T, 12. Kane, 13. Spike Dudley, 14. Rikishi, 15. Rene Dupree, 16. A-Train, 17. Shelton Benjamin, 18. Ernest Miller, 19. Kurt Angle, 20. Rico.

Booker goes after Steiner and eliminates him off screen. At #13, the Undertaker’s bell sounds, spooking Kane. Kane says it can’t be because he buried Taker. The distraction enables Booker to oust Kane. An angry Kane ambushes Spike, who entered after Taker’s fake-out. Elsewhere, Rikishi gives Morgan a Stink Face. Plus, Rikishi kicks Dupree out while Rene does his French Tickler dance. Now, Benoit and Orton clear the ring, leaving the two of them. They both go down as Lamont, the butler, introduces Ernest Miller to dance for the fans. Orton and Benoit have enough and send Lamont and the Cat packing. Kurt Angle comes to bring things back down to Earth. Orton plants Rico with the RKO and dispatches him.

21. ???, 22. Christian, 23. Nunzio, 24. The Big Show, 25. Chris Jericho, 26. Charlie Haas, 27. Billy Gunn, 28. John Cena, 29. RVD, 30. Goldberg.

Test is #21, but someone attacks him backstage. When Austin sees the attacker, he tells him to take his place. The person is Mick Foley! He takes out himself and Orton with a Cactus Clothesline, and they brawl. Nunzio falls victim to the melee and remains outside to be safe. Once the action calms down, Jericho and Christian work together, but Jericho throws Christian out. Next, Billy Gunn returns and performs Fameassers as Cena joins the fray. Cena spots Nunzio and makes him enter the ring. Soon, Goldberg completes the field. He gets rid of Haas, Gunn, and Nunzio. The problem is that Lesnar shows up and nails an F5 on Goldberg! The attack allows Angle to dump Goldberg. With him gone, everyone performs their finishers on Big Show. Show fends them off and tosses Cena and RVD. (Cena injures his knee on the landing.)

Final Four: Chris Benoit, The Big Show, Kurt Angle, & Chris Jericho.

Jericho goes after Big Show, but Show chokeslams Chris to the floor. This leaves Angle to fight with Big Show. Kurt plants Show and Benoit with Angle Slams and drops the straps. After asking the fans who he should target, Kurt locks Big Show in an anklelock. Show taps, but it doesn’t matter. Since he can’t escape, Show pulls himself up the ropes and launches Angle over them. Benoit and Big Show remain. Chris hits Big Show with a flying headbutt, bringing him back into the ring. Benoit even counters a chokeslam into a Crossface, but Show breaks it. Show looks to press slam Benoit, so Chris hooks his head and drags him to the apron. Chris struggles, but he slowly pulls Big Show out to win.

Thoughts: This was okay. I liked the finish, and the Foley/Orton stuff was nice. However, the rest wasn’t great. They did a few amusing things, but this still felt lackluster. Plus, the winner of this Rumble means WWE will always sweep it under the rug. So, that sours it a little more.

Winner: Chris Benoit (1:01:37)

The Good:

• Eddie vs. Chavo

• Foley’s return and his brawl with Orton

The Bad:

• Shortened undercard bouts

• The finish of Triple H vs. HBK

• Holly vs. Lesnar

Performer of the Night:

I’m giving it to Eddie and Chavo. They made the most of their limited time. The Guerreros knew how to turn a negative into a positive.

Final Thoughts:

This PPV was decent, but it felt a little flat. They rushed through the early card. Plus, the one non-Rumble contest that had time ended poorly. Then the Rumble itself wasn’t much to speak of outside of Benoit. Also, Brock having a disappointing challenger didn’t help matters. Nothing on this show was bad, but it didn’t impress me either.

Thank you for reading. My next review is No Way Out 2004. Look for it next Sunday!