Armageddon 2003

(All screen captures are the property of World Wrestling Entertainment)

Armageddon

December 14, 2003

TD Waterhouse Centre

Orlando, Florida

News & Notes: I have little to cover before we begin. They only had four weeks between Survivor Series and Armageddon and didn’t use them well.

Bischoff gave his team and Evolution any favor they desired after Survivor Series because they helped end Austin’s career. I will reveal what everyone chose throughout the match notes. Unfortunately for Eric, someone rained on his parade. Mick Foley appeared. He said the board appointed him as an outside consultant and permitted him to change anything he wanted. Foley used the power to name himself the temporary co-GM. He also created a petition to bring back Steve Austin. Then Mick booked Coach vs. Lawler with Coach’s job on the line. Coach lost. Next, Foley fired Test because Test and Steiner tried to make Stacy kiss their asses. Mick even terminated La Resistance for not saying the Pledge of Allegiance. However, Mick didn’t actually release anyone. He only needed to show Bischoff how he was acting lately.

Now, I have one last angle to discuss. Matt Hardy jumped to RAW and started drama with Lita. I will explain more later, but I want to mention what happened on Heat before the PPV. Maven confronted Matt about his behavior and challenged him to a fight, but we shall see how that pans out during the program.

The PPV: Lilian Garcia sings the national anthem before the opening video. They show images of war and devastation while the narrator quotes bible passages. The day is upon us. This day will turn the sun into darkness and bathe the moon in blood. Silver and gold won’t save you from destruction. They will save no souls when they fight the final battle. The fire of jealousy will devour all the Earth. This day of reckoning and fierce anger will shake the heavens and lay bare the Earth until he accomplishes his heart’s intent. Kane says nothing can stop him. Goldberg wants to beat Triple H to death. And Triple H is sick of Goldberg simply existing. There will be a Triple Threat for the World Heavyweight Title. The great day of Armageddon has come!

Next, fireworks explode while they play “The End is Here.” JR welcomes everybody to the event and wishes them happy holidays. (I have to mention the audio issues. The sound quality is terrible. You can barely hear the commentary. Unfortunately, it was this way on the original broadcast and DVD releases. They couldn’t clean it up.)

Booker T vs. Mark Henry (w/ Theodore Long)

Storyline: Booker faced Mark Henry the night after Survivor Series because Henry eliminated Booker from the Team Austin vs. Team Bischoff match. He kicked out of the World’s Strongest Slam and pinned Henry with his feet on the ropes. Then Booker and Henry spun the RAW Roulette wheel and got a Salt Lake City Street Fight. Booker ambushed Henry during his entrance, but Henry won. Later, Booker defeated Test and invited Stacy Keibler to do a Legaroonie. Unfortunately, Mark Henry ruined the fun and knocked Booker out. The incident led to Booker, Hurricane, and Rosey vs. Henry, Test, and Steiner. Mark Henry made Hurricane pass out to a bear hug to win. He did the same to Booker after the bout.

The Match: Booker keeps attacking while Henry shoves him away. He leads Henry on a chase and jumps him. Henry whips Booker into the steps, but Booker fires back with a dropkick, a slingshot crossbody, and a missile dropkick. The problem is that Teddy distracts Booker, and Henry takes control. He uses a backbreaker and a bow and arrow stretch. Henry also chokes Booker and performs his rope slide before applying a chinlock. When Booker escapes, Henry switches to a bear hug. Booker breaks free again, and Henry’s missed leg drop breaks one of the ring boards. The mistake allows Booker to score kicks, a jumping forearm, and a scissors kick. They only earn two, so Henry responds with a spinebuster, a corner splash, a leg drop, and a sloppy powerbomb. Henry tries to add another corner squash. It misses, and Booker nails a second scissors kick for the three.

Thoughts: This was okay. The hot crowd helped, but the action wasn’t great. Mark Henry was still a mess. He almost dropped Booker on his head with a powerbomb. Plus, Mark looked lost at times. Booker did fine and held this together. He’s the reason it wasn’t terrible.

Winner: Booker T (10:20)

Bischoff says this isn’t how he wanted to start Armageddon, but he can count on Jericho and Christian in the Battle of the Sexes. A hesitant Jericho tries to talk to Bischoff about the match until Christian interrupts him. Christian thanks Eric for booking the encounter. He says Trish and Lita humiliated them when they didn’t accept their flowers. Trish and Lita also cost them the tag titles. Plus, Christian claims he would have won the bet and gotten that shiny Canadian dollar. But the big picture is that Lita embarrassed him in front of his peeps. Bischoff says Christian knows how he feels about Lita. He only kept her around so Christian and Jericho could humiliate her. Christian agrees, but Jericho still wants to discuss things. However, Foley’s music plays, distracting Bischoff from Jericho’s conversation.

Mick enters the ring and gets his usual cheap pop. He says he has good news for the fans. His petition has reached one million signatures. Mick says this shows the board how people want Austin back on RAW. Then Foley brings out Stacy Keibler in a cheerleader costume to celebrate. She does cartwheels to show off her underwear and convinces Mick to try one. His cartwheel looks terrible. As Foley recovers, Orton and Flair interrupt. Randy mocks Foley’s cartwheel and takes the credit for ending Austin’s career at Survivor Series. Orton has had enough of Foley’s petition. It’s time for Orton to win the Intercontinental Title. Since Orton is ready to go, Foley removes his jacket and shirt to reveal his referee outfit. Mick says there’s no reason they can’t do it now. He calls out RVD to begin the contest.

Intercontinental Title Match: Randy Orton (w/ Ric Flair) vs. Rob Van Dam (c)

Storyline: Ric Flair faced RVD for the Intercontinental Championship. He used his favor to get the Five Star banned, but the fight ended in a DQ when Orton gave RVD the RKO. Orton posed with the belt afterward. Then Orton used his favor to gain this title shot. Next, Orton landed on a Legend Killer Match during RAW Roulette and fought Sgt. Slaughter. Orton won, but RVD saved Slaughter from a beating. When RVD spun the wheel, he had to do it twice and earned a Handicap Singapore Cane encounter with Test and Steiner. Later, RVD pinned Orton during a six-man tag. Foley counted the pin and named himself the referee for this contest. Finally, RVD lost to Batista but returned to run Orton off when Evolution jumped Goldberg.

The Match: They taunt each other, exchange takedowns, and do chain wrestling until RVD performs a flying crossbody. Then RVD makes Orton regroup and lands a somersault plancha on him. A slingshot leg drop follows, but Orton shoves RVD off the top rope. Meanwhile, Foley prevents Flair’s interference while Orton wears RVD down. Randy fends off comebacks and locks RVD in chinlocks. Orton even shakes off a split-legged moonsault and hits a neckbreaker before grabbing a lengthy chinlock. Once RVD escapes, he scores kicks, a rolling monkey flip, a northern lights, and the corkscrew leg drop. Orton answers with a draping DDT for a close two, but RVD rebounds with Rolling Thunder. Flair smells trouble, so he keeps interfering. Foley knocks Ric down when he tries to use brass knucks, but Orton capitalizes on the distraction. He pulls RVD off the top rope and nails the RKO for the victory.

Thoughts: This was pretty good. Everybody played their part well. Flair’s antics entertained me, RVD’s selling amused me, and Orton’s performance looked crisp and polished for someone who was still green. Some of the rest holds went a little long, but they never lost the crowd, so it was fine.

Winner: Randy Orton (New Champion) (17:59)

Battle of the Sexes: Chris Jericho & Christian vs. Lita & Trish Stratus

Storyline: Matt Hardy jumped to RAW when his Smackdown contract expired. He broke up with Lita and got her fired, but Christian used his favor to get Lita rehired. Later, Matt cost Lita a victory over Victoria in a cage by slamming the door in her face. Christian avenged her by abandoning Matt during a tag encounter. Plus, Jericho tried to get Trish out of a Bra & Panties Match. Trish thanked Jericho with a kiss and created a custom jersey for him. The problem was that Trish overheard the truth. Christian and Jericho made a bet to see who could seduce Trish or Lita first. The winner would receive one Canadian dollar. Jericho and Christian attempted to apologize with flowers, but Trish slapped Jericho. Trish and Lita also helped the Dudleys beat Jericho and Christian. Christian complained, so Bischoff booked this bout, but Jericho showed remorse and hesitancy.

The Match: Jericho explains he doesn’t want to do this. He attempts to calm Trish and spanks her when she slaps him. Then Christian tags himself in after Trish scores a headscissors on Jericho. He demands Lita and gets her. Lita surprises a cocky Christian with a headbutt, a monkey flip, and a headscissors. So, Jericho tags and stands on Lita’s hair while pulling her arms. Undaunted, Lita turns a powerbomb into a hurricanrana, but Christian returns. He removes Lita’s shirt and taunts her with it. The antics continue until Lita throws a low blow.

Now, Trish gives Christian a Chick Kick, and Christian tumbles outside on a missed charge. Jericho looks to help, but Lita crotches him on the ropes. Nevertheless, Jericho blocks Trish’s handstand headscissors and knocks her down. With Trish dazed, Christian covers, but he pulls Trish up for more. The decision backfires because Christian runs into Jericho, and Trish rolls Christian up for two. Lita performs a Litacanrana on Christian, so Jericho drags Lita to the floor. Jericho slams Lita into the barricade before entering the ring. Chris helps Trish to her feet and apologizes for everything, but Christian seizes the opening. He rolls Trish up for the pin.

Thoughts: This did its job well. They furthered the storyline, and the action was decent. I can’t fault this because the crowd was hot for it. The angle was working, so kudos to them.

Winners: Chris Jericho & Christian (6:37)

Shawn Michaels vs. Batista (w/ Ric Flair)

Storyline: Bischoff gloated about Austin losing his job, but Shawn Michaels interrupted him. He called Bischoff a dirtbag, so Bischoff had security escort Shawn out of the building. Undeterred, Shawn returned the following week and still blamed Bischoff for Austin’s fate. This time, Batista confronted Shawn. Batista said he was the reason Austin got fired, not Bischoff. His insults caused a brawl with Shawn, but Bischoff stopped them and booked this encounter. Then HBK and Jericho fought Batista and Flair. Jericho superkicked Shawn, but Shawn landed on Batista for the pin. Batista attacked Shawn out of anger and choked him until he spat up blood. Next, Shawn, Goldberg, and RVD wrestled Batista, Orton, and Kane, and RVD pinned Orton. Finally, Shawn helped save Goldberg from Evolution’s attack.

The Match: Shawn sticks and moves until he frustrates Batista. Batista fires back, but Shawn recovers and leads a chase. He attempts to lure Batista into a trap, so Flair stops Batista to regroup. When Batista returns, he knocks Shawn down and focuses on the lower back. Batista does clubbing blows, knee drops, and choking. Shawn responds with a moonsault and a jumping forearm, but Batista whips him into an upside-down bump. Batista also brings Shawn outside and sends him into the steps. Inside, Batista performs two backbreakers. He tries a third, but Shawn flips through it and takes Batista down with strikes and a jumping forearm. A kip-up, a Manhattan Drop, a DDT counter, and a flying elbow follow. Shawn tunes up the band, but Batista catches him with two spinebusters and seeks a Batista Bomb. Michaels lands on his feet and nails Sweet Chin Music for the three.

Thoughts: This was good. They took the fans on a nice ride. Batista showed off his power and looked strong. Shawn pulled a victory out of nowhere, so it didn’t make Batista seem weak. Plus, they use this to set up what happens afterward, so I’m fine with the storytelling.

Winner: Shawn Michaels (12:28)

Flair helps Batista to his feet, but a dazed Batista doesn’t realize what happened. He asks Ric if he won. When Flair says no, Batista throws a fit.

Meanwhile, Maven arrives for his meeting with Matt Hardy, but Batista won’t leave. The officials tell Dave to get out while Matt Hardy appears. (Matt fact: Matt’s fingernails grow very quickly.) Hardy and Maven begin their fight on the ramp until Hardy gains the advantage. Matt tosses Maven into the ring, where an angry Batista gives Maven two Batista Bombs. Flair and Batista exit once Batista does his damage, so Matt approaches Maven. The referees tell him to back off. They say Maven can’t wrestle, and Lilian announces the match won’t happen. Matt Hardy doesn’t listen. He splashes Maven and counts his own three. Then Matt declares himself the victor and celebrates.

Backstage, Batista continues his rampage. He says he is better than Shawn Michaels. Batista calls the loss bullshit, so Flair tells him to stop it. Dave ignores this and says he isn’t a loser. He is a winner! Flair agrees. He says Batista has it in his head and heart. Flair calls him a man’s man. (I thought Regal was the man’s man.) Flair says everybody stumbles and trips, but the good ones get back up and into the game. He tells Batista to hold his head high. Flair claims he has a plan. They will go home with belts tonight.

Now, it’s time for Tag Team Turmoil. The Dudleys will defend their tag titles in this contest. La Resistance (Conway & Dupree) begins the encounter against the Hurricane and Rosey.

Tag Team Turmoil Match for the World Tag Team Titles

Storyline: Cade and Jindrak have been scoring wins with handfuls of their opponents’ tights, but they swear they aren’t cheaters or whiners. They’re winners! These antics earned them a feud with the Dudley Boyz and a little begrudging respect. Meanwhile, Val Venis cured Storm of his boring personality with strippers and dancing. Plus, they discovered Storm was surprisingly well-endowed. Elsewhere, Hurricane and Rosey spun the RAW Roulette wheel and landed on a Catch the Midget Match. They chased a little person around, only for JR to win their bout when the guy sat on JR’s lap. Then we have La Resistance. Foley almost fired them for not doing the Pledge of Allegiance, so they demanded an apology. La Resistance threatened Foley, but the Rock returned, and the Rock and Sock Connection beat them up. Finally, Test released Steiner from his servitude so they could bully Stacy together.

The Match: Hurricane trips on a triangle jump, allowing La Resistance to take control. They double-team Hurricane until Rosey tags and cleans house. Rosey scores a Samoan Drop, an uranage, and a spinebuster. Afterward, Hurricane eliminates La Resistance with a flying splash off Rosey’s shoulders. Unfortunately, Cade and Jindrak sneak out of the crowd and roll Hurricane up for three. Next, Storm and Venis trade takedowns with Cade and Jindrak. Venis lands a Blue Thunder Bomb, but Cade chop blocks him and holds Val’s foot during Jindrak’s pin.

Now, the Dudleys arrive and scuffle with Cade and Jindrak. Once the action settles, Cade and Jindrak use cheap shots and double-teaming. The onslaught continues until the Dudleys dispatch them with a 3D. Test and Steiner join the fray, but Cade attacks the Dudleys on his way out. Test and Steiner capitalize with suplexes. They also focus on Bubba’s arm and shoulder. D-Von’s hot tag and a miscommunication spook Test and Steiner, so they resort to cheating. Test distracts the ref with the title belt and whacks D-Von with a chair. However, Bubba gives Test a Bubba Bomb, and D-Von covers for the three.

The Dudleys celebrate their apparent victory, but Bischoff interrupts. He says you must defeat every team to succeed, but there is one remaining team. He introduces Batista and Ric Flair! The Dudleys brawl with them, but Evolution uses a low blow and choking. Flair puts Bubba in a Figure Four while Batista finishes D-Von with a Batista Bomb.

Thoughts: This was fine. The closing moments got them where they wanted to go, but the rest of the contest felt pedestrian. I usually like Tag Team Turmoil, yet this one didn’t thrill me. The best I can say about it is they didn’t let any sections drag. Pacing wasn’t an issue.

Winners: Batista & Ric Flair (New Champions) (20:48)

JR and King say they are envious because the Smackdown roster will travel to Iraq for the first Tribute to the Troops. They show footage of a press conference to announce the event. Bradshaw speaks. He claims the US Army is the only undefeated military in the world. Bradshaw says we could still win even with sticks. Then Big Show says this isn’t about politics. They want to entertain the troops. Meanwhile, Cena performs a rap. Next, the USO’s Michael Teilmann talks. He has an awesome voice. Michael could be a ring announcer. Afterward, Sable asks everyone to donate so they can send care packages. Plus, Torrie and Vince get emotional.

Now, it’s time for a special added match. Molly Holly will defend the Women’s Title against Ivory. Lawler can’t believe it.

Women’s Title Match: Molly Holly (c) vs. Ivory

Storyline: This has no build. Molly has been antagonizing Lita since Survivor Series. She spun the RAW Roulette wheel to land Lita in a Cage Match with Victoria. Then Molly attacked Lita to stop her from interfering in Christian vs. Matt Hardy. Later, Molly and Victoria faced Trish and Lita. Molly pinned Lita after Matt Hardy distracted Lita. As for Ivory, she appeared once on Heat in a losing effort against Victoria.

The Match: Ivory fends off Molly’s attack and performs pin attempts. Molly throws Ivory onto the apron, but Ivory fires back and lands a flying crossbody. She adds a catapult to the outside and a cannonball off the side of the ring. When Ivory rolls Molly inside, Molly dropkicks Ivory through the ropes. Now, Molly uses a northern lights suplex and a top wristlock. Ivory breaks free, but Molly gives her a drop toe hold and a snap suplex. Molly continues with a handspring elbow. The move only earns two, so Molly removes a turnbuckle pad. Ivory blocks Molly’s attempt to ram her into it and drives Molly into the metal. She rolls Molly up for two, but Molly reverses the pin for three.

Thoughts: Little happened in this contest, and it had no heat. What they did wasn’t bad, but it was forgettable. Worse yet, the commentary ruined this. JR and King talked about sexual frustration and irritable bowel syndrome throughout the encounter. They couldn’t care less.

Winner: Molly Holly (4:23)

Triple Threat Match for the World Title: Triple H vs. Goldberg (c) vs. Kane

Storyline: Triple H cashed in his favor with Bischoff to get a rematch and a handicap fight against Goldberg. Evolution won, and Hunter demanded his title shot the following week. Surprisingly, Kane ran Evolution off and chokeslammed Goldberg to send a message. Triple H vs. Goldberg happened but ended in DQ because of Orton’s interference. Then Kane attacked again, so Hunter asked Bischoff for another encounter with Goldberg at the PPV. This time, Kane intimidated Bischoff into adding him to the contest. Next, Foley had Kane team with Batista and Orton, so Bischoff manipulated Kane into thinking Foley would screw him. However, Foley gave Kane a bout with Goldberg. Triple H sat back and let Kane and Goldberg destroy each other, and Bischoff turned it into a Lumberjack Match. He appointed Evolution and Henry as lumberjacks. They swarmed Goldberg to cause a DQ, so Shawn and RVD saved Goldberg.

The Match: Hunter and Kane double-team Goldberg with strikes and clotheslines until Goldberg scores a twisting neckbreaker and a press powerslam on Hunter. Kane answers by giving Goldberg a side slam and a big boot during a spear attempt. He also joins Hunter in planting Goldberg with a double suplex. Hunter covers Goldberg after Kane powerslams him, but he apologizes when Kane pulls him away from the pin. Now, Hunter swings a chair at Goldberg and hits Kane as Goldberg moves. Goldberg kicks the chair into Hunter’s face and looks to Pillmanize Helmsley, so Kane stops Goldberg. Kane brings Goldberg outside afterward and clears the Spanish table. Everyone tries to put each other through it, but Kane is the one who succeeds. He chokeslams Goldberg, yet the desk doesn’t break. Hunter’s elbow drop off the barricade finally gets the job done.

With Goldberg down, Hunter fetches a chair, but Kane catches him trying to use it. Hunter pleads innocence, only to attack Kane when he turns his back. Kane counters a Pedigree and takes Hunter inside for a flying clothesline. Hunter responds with a DDT and a neckbreaker, but Kane keeps sitting up. Brawling on the ramp follows, and Kane chokeslams Hunter. In the ring, Goldberg spears Kane and trades punches with both men. Goldberg hands out spears, so Evolution jumps him. Bill fends them off and spears Hunter, but Kane interrupts the count. Kane’s intervention leads to Kane and Goldberg choking each other. As this happens, Hunter throws a low blow to Goldberg, and Kane chokeslams Goldberg. Kane wants to cover him, but Batista yanks Kane to the floor. Hunter pins Goldberg for the win.

Thoughts: This was good. They structured it well. The action never dragged, and I enjoyed the story between Hunter and Kane. I’m even fine with the finish. They made Triple H look opportunistic without making Kane seem weak. Yeah, Goldberg lost, but it took a low blow and a chokeslam.

Winner: Triple H (New Champion) (19:28)

Orton, Batista, and Flair help Triple H to his feet and lift him onto their shoulders. They celebrate on the stage while Kane seethes in the ring. As the show ends, Kane watches Evolution pose with all their belts.

The Good:

• The main event

• Orton vs. RVD

• HBK vs. Batista

The Bad:

• The audio issues

• JR and Lawler’s commentary during Molly vs. Ivory

Performer of the Night:

I’m giving it to Shawn Michaels. He put on another good match and made Batista look great. Plus, I felt bad about not initially awarding him with this accolade in my last review.

Final Thoughts:

This was an overall enjoyable PPV. RAW needed this after presenting stinkers in their first few exclusive shows. The big matches all delivered, and the rest ranged from okay to decent. I know some people hated this event because it epitomized Triple H’s reign of terror. Evolution won all the belts in one night. However, I get it. A faction has to dominate at some point or be ineffective. Retrospect and hindsight make it easier to stomach this.

Thank you for reading. My next review is Royal Rumble 2004. Look for it next Sunday!