Royal Rumble 2003

(All screen captures are the property of World Wrestling Entertainment)

Royal Rumble

January 19, 2003

Fleet Center

Boston, Massachusetts

News & Notes: I have a few extra storylines to discuss before we begin. Vince appeared on RAW after Armageddon to evaluate Eric Bischoff’s job. He said Eric hadn’t done what he hired him to do. So, he gave Bischoff thirty days to turn things around, or he would fire him. Bischoff responded by promising to make a bombshell announcement after the PPV. Elsewhere, D’Lo Brown lost a few matches because of poor referee decisions. He accused them of being racist against him. Meanwhile, Cena and B-Squared feuded with Los Guerreros over the WWE Tag Titles after an amusing rap battle. When their efforts failed, Cena turned on Buchanan. A friend of Cena helped beat up B-Squared. Cena introduced him as Red Dogg (Rodney Mack). Finally, they announced the Undertaker’s return for this show. They teased he might bring back the deadman gimmick, but that doesn’t happen yet.

The PPV: JR says thirty men will compete in the Rumble. There are fifteen men from RAW and fifteen from Smackdown. The winner will face his brand’s champion at WrestleMania. Then, the Superstars discuss what Mania means to them. Jericho, Edge, Benoit, Big Show, Angle, Triple H, Scott Steiner, Booker T, and Shawn Michaels compare Mania to the Super Bowl. They speak about belonging in the main event. Jericho says you want the spotlight over and over again once you’ve had it. Triple H claims this couldn’t mean any more to him. Plus, Benoit, Booker, Steiner, and Edge want to prove they can headline Mania. This is Booker’s dream. Edge thinks about it when he goes to bed and wakes up. And Big Show wants to carve his spot, which no one can deny. Shawn Michaels says the road to WrestleMania begins tonight!

Next, fireworks explode while “Falling Apart” by TRUSTcompany plays. Michael Cole welcomes everybody to the sold-out Fleet Center for the Royal Rumble. While Cole and Tazz cover the card, the Big Show and Paul Heyman arrive for the first contest. Big Show faces Brock Lesnar, and the victor will enter the Rumble.

Winner Enters the Royal Rumble: Brock Lesnar vs. The Big Show (w/ Paul Heyman)

Storyline: Angle offered Lesnar a shot after Armageddon, much to Big Show’s chagrin, but Kurt said it would have to be the following week because he was wrestling Benoit. However, this was a swerve because Angle aligned himself with Paul Heyman! When Big Show complained, Heyman assured him he was still his client. Keeping the gold away from Lesnar was all that mattered. Heyman even promised Big Show a title match with Angle, but Lesnar attacked Kurt and put him out of action. So, Big Show threatened Stephanie for a championship opportunity. She gave him a #1 contender contest against Benoit instead, which Benoit won. Afterward, Heyman suggested Big Show vs. Brock for a spot in the Rumble. Meanwhile, A-Train also helped Big Show. Train wrestled Lesnar and teamed with Big Show against Lesnar and Mysterio.

The Match: Big Show shoves Lesnar, but Brock keeps driving him into the corner. Then Lesnar scores belly-to-belly suplexes after Big Show blocks the first one. The attack continues until Big Show takes Brock by the throat. He sends Lesnar over the ropes and gives him a beal toss in the ring. Next, Show charges at Brock and misses, so Lesnar lands a German suplex. Heyman distracts Brock to prevent a follow-up, allowing Big Show to nail a big boot and a side slam. Now, Brock counters a chokeslam into an arm drag and does another belly-to-belly. Sensing trouble, Heyman interferes and gets yanked into the ring. As Brock tries to give Paul an F5, Show grabs Lesnar for a chokeslam! It only earns two! A shocked Heyman calls for one more, but Lesnar pushes Show into Heyman and ends it with an F5.

Thoughts: They structured this perfectly. Brock, Big Show, and Heyman filled this with impressive power moves and enough shenanigans to keep the crowd invested. Plus, this was what it needed to be, and they kept this at the right length.

Winner: Brock Lesnar (6:15)

Jericho is here to remind everyone not to be an assclown. Oh, and Terri interviews him about the Rumble. She says Jericho won the right to choose any entry number. So, why did he select #2? Jericho corrects her. They didn’t let him pick what he wanted. Vince handed Shawn Michaels the #1 slot. However, despite the obvious favoritism, Jericho is something HBK never has been and never will be. He was the first Undisputed Champion. Jericho defeated the Rock and Austin on the same night to do it! He says he rose to the occasion that night and will do it again tonight. Jericho vows to throw everybody over the top rope one by one to regain his title at WrestleMania.

Now, it’s time for the Storm and Regal vs. the Dudley Boyz. Storm and Regal glare at JR and Lawler during their entrance, so Lawler pulls out a chain. He dares them to try something. Then, Nick Patrick checks Storm and Regal for brass knuckles, but he finds nothing.

World Tag Team Title Match: The Dudley Boyz vs. Lance Storm & William Regal (c)

Storyline: Bischoff wasn’t putting up with disrespect. He punished Spike when Spike complained about Regal and Storm using the knucks to beat the Dudleys. Eric made Spike face Batista. Then Bischoff caught JR and Lawler insulting him during a commercial break, so he had them wrestle Storm and Regal, or he would fire them. When the Dudleys helped Ross and Lawler succeed, Bischoff put the Dudleys in a handicap fight and almost fired them, but he changed it to a suspension when they threatened to go to Smackdown. However, the Dudleys convinced Vince to lift their suspension and grant them a tag title opportunity. Their shot would come against Storm and Regal because they defeated Booker and Goldust to capture the championships. Eric told Booker and Goldust to defend their belts after they mocked him. Morley took over as the ref and screwed Booker and Goldust out of the gold.

The Match: Bubba and Storm exchange holds and knockdowns until Bubba scores a spinebuster and a standing leglock. Then D-Von tags and fends off a jawbreaker before hitting a jumping back elbow and a jumping clothesline on Storm and Regal. Unfortunately, D-Von misses a corner charge when Storm pulls Regal out of the way. Now, Storm and Regal subdue D-Von with frequent tags, takedowns, a cravat, and a sleeper hold. So, Bubba cheap shots Storm and gets the hot tag.

Bubba cleans house with clotheslines and a backdrop before whipping Storm and Regal into the corner for a splash. A side slam, a release German, and flip, flop, and fly follow the flurry. He even adds a Bubba Bomb to Storm, but Regal breaks up the pin. Next, D-Von’s blind tag leads to a Wassup Drop and a double flapjack on Storm. When they seek a 3D, Chief Morley arrives and distracts the ref. Regal fetches the knucks only to eat a 3D, which allows D-Von to take the weapon and deck Storm. He covers for the win once the ref turns around.

Thoughts: I enjoyed this. They kept it short and simple, which is fine. The action never overstayed its welcome, and the fans reacted well. Plus, it had a fitting finish that could give Storm and Regal a reason to demand a rematch.

Winners: The Dudley Boyz (New Champions) (7:26)

Afterward, they show a vignette for a debuting wrestler named Nathan Jones. Newscasters and politicians discuss the breakdown of law and order in the Australian prison system. They had to transfer Jones from Tasmania to Brisbane for security reasons. He became a powerlifter behind bars, so they nicknamed him the Colossus of Boggo Road. Jones spent ten years of hard times, and now he is coming to WWE. He bids everyone a good day.

Next, we have Dawn Marie Wilson vs. Torrie Wilson in WWE’s first stepmother vs. stepdaughter match. Al Wilson’s death made Dawn a widow, so she wears a black veil during her entrance.

Torrie Wilson vs. Dawn Marie Wilson

Storyline: Al and Dawn interrupted an interview with Torrie. Dawn called Torrie a nympho and announced the wedding would happen on Smackdown in two weeks, so Torrie said they deserved each other. Then Al said he wanted to have a baby with Dawn after marriage. The day of the wedding arrived, and Dawn said she wanted to do it naked, but Stephanie rejected this idea. So, Dawn and Al settled for stripping down to their underwear instead. Surprisingly, the wedding transpired without a hitch, but Torrie didn’t attend. Afterward, Dawn and Al brought a camera to document the honeymoon. The problem was, all the sex exhausted Al until he had a heart attack and died! They held a wake the next week, and Dawn blamed Torrie for his death because she broke his heart. This caused a wild brawl over Al’s casket, knocking it over.

The Match: Dawn blindsides Torrie while the ref asks Torrie if she wants to do this. After taking some slaps, Torrie tackles Dawn. She rams Dawn’s head into the mat, yanks her around by the hair, and catapults her. Then Torrie seeks a German suplex, but Dawn reverses into an armbar takedown. Dawn transitions into a hammerlock before working on Torrie’s arm. She also adds a flapjack. Next, they collide with each other and go down. When Torrie recovers, she turns a tackle into a backslide and scores arm drags. Dawn answers with a springboard clothesline and attacks Torrie, yelling that this is for her father. Finally, Torrie catches Dawn ducking and finishes her with a swinging neckbreaker.

Thoughts: They kept it brief, and Dawn’s portions were decent. She didn’t look bad, but Torrie’s moves were a step slower and awkward. So, the result felt messy. When you couple this with the awful storyline, this becomes something you want to forget about and put behind you.

Winner: Torrie Wilson (3:35)

A smirking Stephanie interrupts a conversation between Bischoff and Orton, so Eric sends Orton away. Once Randy leaves, Stephanie says goodbye to Eric because her father will fire him in thirty days. She also wants to know about his bombshell announcement. Eric claims it will be an atomic bombshell, so he tells her to wipe the smirk off her face. What makes her think her job is so secure? Stephanie says she is the more successful GM. Plus, she is a McMahon. Blood is thicker than water or urine, in Bischoff’s case. Bischoff tells her she means water, but he reminds her about another saying. Money is thicker than blood. Stephanie says they will see.

Meanwhile, Sean O’Haire plays the Devil’s Advocate. He tells everyone to stop praying, hit the snooze button, and go to church next week instead. Hell, why even go at all? If god is everywhere, why do you need to attend services? He’s right beside you on the couch! Who knows if there is a god? Sean calls the church a farce. It’s a way to judge you. You must take control of your life because you are your only judge. Save yourself the headache and do something more valuable with your time. If there is a god, he will forgive you. Sean says he isn’t telling you something you don’t already know.

Afterward, we get the entrances for Triple H vs. Scott Steiner. Earl Hebner has words for the competitors before the bell. He knows how Triple H, Steiner, and Flair are, so he won’t put up with any of their crap! Mr. McMahon said he is the law. He will call it down the middle but wants them to act professionally.

World Title Match: Scott Steiner vs. Triple H (c) (w/ Ric Flair)

Storyline: Bischoff and Morley double-booked the main event slot for the RAW after Armageddon. Eric planned Triple H Appreciation Night while Morley scheduled Scott Steiner’s contract signing. Morley told Steiner they moved his segment to the next week, so Scott said Triple H would never forget it. Steiner interrupted Triple H’s tribute. He said he wouldn’t sign his contract without a World Title shot, and Hunter agreed after some goading. Then Hunter called Steiner out, and they had an arm wrestling contest, but Steiner won four times in a row. Next, Steiner and Triple H did a posedown. Hunter used some indie wrestlers as fake judges. They jumped Steiner during a push-up challenge. Finally, Scott wanted to do a bench press, but Hunter appeared in a suit to talk about himself. Steiner brawled with Triple H and ripped his suit.

The Match: Triple H regroups after strikes and a press slam, so Steiner follows him. He attacks Hunter’s back with the barricade, the apron, and the post. Then Steiner suplexes him inside and secures a Boston Crab. Steiner also shakes off a face crusher and an eye rake before scoring a bear hug and a belly-to-belly. Unfortunately, Flair saves Hunter from the Recliner and interferes behind the ref’s back. He chokes Steiner and allows Hunter to land neckbreakers. When Steiner rallies, he does many suplexes and a Tiger Bomb while falling over. Hunter has enough of the endless belly-to-belly throws, so he and Flair try to leave.

Steiner chases them down the aisle and stops them, and Earl deals with Flair. Hunter attempts a belt strike while Hebner and Flair argue, but Steiner knocks it back into Hunter’s face. The move busts him open. Now, Steiner uses the post and the announcer’s table to widen the cut, so Hunter seeks a count out. He escapes into the crowd until Steiner fetches him. Back in the ring, Steiner taunts Hunter with push-ups and performs more suplexes. So, Hunter hurls Hebner to the floor to get disqualified. Earl refuses to do it and makes them fight. After another belly-to-belly, Hunter low-blows Steiner and gets the sledgehammer. He shoves Earl aside and decks Steiner. Hebner has no choice but to disqualify him.

Thoughts: This was bad, but I wouldn’t call it as bad as some say. Steiner had a few lingering injuries that hindered him. They tried to cover for them with bells and whistles, but they couldn’t hide it. Steiner fell over a few times while performing moves. The repeated suplexes weren’t the problem. Lesnar made a style out of it. Steiner’s conditioning created the issue. Worse yet, a disappointing finish soured an already messy encounter.

Winner: Scott Steiner (by DQ) (17:03)

Hebner stops Triple H from hitting Steiner with the hammer again, so Hunter shoves Earl to the mat. When Hunter tries once more, Steiner blocks the shot and steals the weapon. He nails Hunter and Flair before putting Triple H in the Recliner. The officials try to make Steiner release him, but he doesn’t obey until Bischoff arrives. Then Steiner grabs the World Title and throws it onto Triple H’s chest.

After a recap, it’s time for Kurt Angle vs. Chris Benoit. Angle brings Team Angle with him, but the referees eject them when they put their hands on Benoit. Tazz says this isn’t right, and Angle agrees.

WWE Title Match: Kurt Angle (c) vs. Chris Benoit

Storyline: Angle, Heyman, and Big Show allied to ensure Lesnar would never regain his belt, so Lesnar attacked Kurt and injured his knee with an F5 into the post. But it wasn’t all bad news. Angle and Heyman unveiled their insurance policy, Team Angle (Charlie Haas and Shelton Benjamin). They chose Benjamin because he was Brock’s college roommate. Meanwhile, Benoit faced Angle, but Big Show caused a DQ. However, Benoit defeated Big Show to become the #1 contender. After Benoit won, Edge helped Benoit battle Team Angle in tag and singles competitions. Unfortunately for them, Angle used his crutches to help Team Angle win. Benoit tried to retaliate with the Crossface, but Haas and Benjamin saved Angle. Once Angle recovered from his injury, Benoit and Edge wrestled Kurt and Team Angle. After a DQ finish, Benoit put Angle in a Crossface and hit him with the crutch.

The Match: They exchange knockdowns, takedowns, and holds. Benoit seeks a Sharpshooter and a leglock, but Angle keeps evading them. Then they fight on the apron, and Benoit hits a DDT on the hardest part of the ring! Nevertheless, Angle recovers after Benoit misses a flying headbutt. Plus, Angle escapes a Sharpshooter and uses suplexes and chinlocks. This leads to traded German suplexes before Angle lands his run-up throw off the top rope. An Angle Slam attempt follows, but Benoit turns it into the Crossface. Angle’s reversal results in multiple Crossfaces and anklelocks. Afterward, Angle scores the Angle Slam, which gets two! More Germans follow before Benoit nails a flying headbutt from far away! Angle responds with another Angle Slam, but it still isn’t enough. Finally, Angle rolls through a Crossface into an anklelock. He holds on tenaciously and grapevines the leg, so Benoit taps.

Thoughts: This was amazing. I loved the drama and the counters. They led the fans on a wild ride. The crowd took a while to warm up to it, but they hooked them by the end. This made Angle look like a dominant champion.

Winner: Kurt Angle (19:57)

Team Angle runs to the ring and lifts Kurt onto their shoulders to celebrate. Angle holds the belt above his head as they leave. Once they are gone, Benoit rises, and the fans give him a standing ovation.

Backstage, RVD stretches until Kane approaches him. Kane says RVD has been a hell of a partner lately, but this is the Rumble. He almost won the match two years ago but came up one man short. Kane tells RVD to make no mistake about it. He won’t hesitate to eliminate RVD if he stands between him and winning. RVD says that’s cool. Kane should do everything necessary because he will do the same to assure Rob Van Dam is the winner.

Now, the Fink explains the rules before we get the first two entrants. Shawn Michaels is #1. Then Jericho’s music plays, but Christian appears at the entrance wearing Jericho’s clothes. The distraction allows Jericho to emerge from his hiding place and ambush Shawn with a low blow.

30-Man Royal Rumble Match

Storyline: Jericho interrupted HBK’s promo after Armageddon. He said he came to WWE because of Shawn, but Michaels disappointed him. HBK wasn’t the Showstopper anymore. When Jericho said this, Shawn superkicked him and left. Then Jericho entered the Rumble, so Shawn tried to goad him into choosing the #1 spot. This caused an argument, which Orton, RVD, Christian, and Kane joined. Christian said he would also be in the Rumble, but Jericho thought Christian wanted to help him win. This led to Jericho and Christian vs. Kane & RVD, and HBK helped Kane and RVD succeed. Later, Vince gave Shawn the #1 entry, so Bischoff booked an Over the Top Challenge where the winner could pick any other number. Jericho won and chose #2. Meanwhile, Raven regained his job on RAW and faced Jeff Hardy for a slot in the Rumble, but Jeff beat him.

The Match: 1. Shawn Michaels, 2. Chris Jericho, 3. Christopher Nowinski, 4. Rey Mysterio, 5. Edge, 6. Christian, 7. Chavo Guerrero, 8. Tajiri, 9. Bill DeMott, 10. Tommy Dreamer.

Jericho bloodies Shawn with a chair while Nowinski stays outside and lets them fight. Then Jericho eliminates Shawn. When Edge and Rey arrive, they work together, so Christian tries to do the same with Edge. It backfires. Unfortunately, Edge and Rey perform missile dropkicks to Nowinski, giving him a horrible concussion when Edge lands on him. Rey dumps Nowinski soon after, but Jericho ousts Mysterio and Tajiri. Eventually, Dreamer brings weapons. He and Edge clock DeMott with Kendo sticks, sending him over the ropes. Jericho takes some shots and asks for another, but Dreamer raises a welt on Jericho’s head. Jericho gains payback.

11. Bull Buchanan, 12. RVD, 13. Matt Hardy (w/ Shannon Moore), 14. Eddie Guerrero, 15. Jeff Hardy, 16. Rosey (w/ Rico), 17. Test, 18. John Cena, 19. Charlie Haas, 20. Rikishi.

Edge takes out B-Squared and Chavo, but Jericho gets rid of Christian and Edge simultaneously. Now, RVD arrives and hands out kicks. In other news, Matt Hardy strongly dislikes mustard and brought Shannon Moore for support. Matt tells Eddie to Frog Splash RVD before giving Eddie a Twist of Fate. He even tries to ally with Jeff, but Jeff has none of that. Jeff gives Matt a Swanton, despite Moore protecting Matt. While these things happen, Cena shows up in long jeans and an Astros throwback jersey. He cuts a rap before entering the fray. All the while, Rikishi superkicks everybody and almost works with Rosey, but Rosey turns on him.

21. Jamal, 22. Kane, 23. Shelton Benjamin, 24. Booker T, 25. A-Train, 26. Maven, 27. Goldust, 28. Batista, 29. Brock Lesnar, 30. The Undertaker.

When Jamal appears, he takes a Stink Face, but 3MW gets revenge. Now, Kane comes in with big boots, side slams, and chokeslams, so Booker T stops him with a scissors kick. Booker launches Eddie while throwing a Spinaroonie in for good measure. Not to be outdone, A-Train deals A-Train Bombs to his competitors. HBK reappears while they fight and jumps Jericho, allowing Test to throw Jericho out. Shawn and Jericho brawl. Once they leave, Batista clears out a few people. Team Angle also takes care of Booker, but Lesnar sends Haas and Benjamin packing and throws Matt Hardy onto them with an F5. Finally, Taker completes the field. Maven dropkicks him and celebrates, but it doesn’t work this time. Taker tosses him while Kane and RVD cooperate to knock A-Train outside. Sadly, Kane press slams RVD to the floor instead of dropping him onto Batista.

Final Four: Brock Lesnar, The Undertaker, Kane, & Batista.

Taker and Lesnar have a stare-down, but Kane and Batista attack them. Batista scores a spinebuster on Taker and helps Kane go after Brock. Nevertheless, Brock gives Batista a belly-to-belly and drops Kane with the F5. Brock focuses on Taker again when they are down. They trade strikes until Brock nails a hotshot. (He has to save Taker from an early elimination.) Undaunted, Taker responds with a Tombstone on Brock and clotheslines Batista over the ropes. Taker even feigns working with Kane, only to betray him. As Taker does this, Batista returns with a chair. Taker fends him off, but Brock uses the opening to win.

Thoughts: This wasn’t bad. It was uneventful. The right person won, and I liked the finish, but this didn’t contain many memorable moments. They accomplished their goal without thrilling me. The biggest takeaways were unfortunate mishaps, like Nowinski’s concussion and Dreamer’s Kendo stick shot to Jericho.

Winner: Brock Lesnar (53:47)

The sound guy plays the PPV theme momentarily, but he realizes his mistake and switches to Lesnar’s music. Meanwhile, Taker shakes his head and smirks. He knows Brock got one over on him. Taker enters the ring and confronts Lesnar, but they don’t fight. He tells Brock he wants the first shot if Lesnar wins the belt. Lesnar gives him a fist-bump before Taker leaves.

The Good:

• Angle vs. Benoit

• The opener

• The Dudleys vs. Storm & Regal

The Bad:

• Triple H vs. Steiner

• Torrie vs. Dawn Marie

Performer of the Night:

I’m giving it to Angle and Benoit. They stole the show with their match and put on a classic.

Final Thoughts:

This was a fine show, but that’s mostly because of Angle vs. Benoit. If you took that encounter away, it would be forgettable. The Rumble itself accomplished its goal and set up the main event of WrestleMania, but it wasn’t great. Plus, two matches dragged down the middle of the card.

Thank you for reading. My next review is No Way Out 2003. Look for it next Sunday!