Uncensored 2000

(All screen captures are the property of World Wrestling Entertainment)

Uncensored

March 19, 2000

American Airlines Arena

Miami, Florida

News & Notes: Nash returned after SuperBrawl, but something was wrong. They said he had amnesia from Jarrett’s guitar attack. Then someone reminded Kevin he was the commissioner, but Nash thought they meant Commissioner Gordon from Batman. So Kevin picked up the phone and called Bruce Wayne. He told Bruce to get to the arena and bring Batman with him. However, when they showed the other side of the conversation, it was Ralphus on the phone. He wondered who the hell he talked to. Elsewhere, someone stole Kidman’s Kidcam and filmed Buff Bagwell. They caught him hitting on multiple women. He tried to sweet talk Symphony, Daffney, and Miss Elizabeth. This caused issues with the Maestro, David Flair, and Luger. Later, Miss Hancock showed interest, but Buff had no time because of his other problems.

Speaking of Miss Hancock, she took El Dandy and Silver King under her wing. They called themselves Latin America’s most desirable men. Plus, they named their team Los Fabulosos, but Hancock felt they needed a makeover. Meanwhile, Vincent/Shane had enough of the gimmicks. He wants people to call him by his real name, Mike Jones. Then Mike ran afoul of Tank Abbott and got knocked out. In other news, Duggan defended the TV Title on Saturday Night. This disgusted Regal, so Regal put his career on the line against Jim and lost! Next, we have the saga between the Cat and the Maestro. Cat drove Maestro crazy with funk music and 3 Count songs. And finally, WCW suspended Slick Johnson, but Mickey Jay wanted a fight with him. So WCW obliged. During the fight, Nick Patrick handed Jay a roll of quarters to use for the win.

The show opens with a video about the three main events. Lex Luger went on an arm-breaking rampage, but now Sting is back for revenge. Plus, Hogan challenged Ric Flair to a Yappapi Indian Strap Match. Hulk vowed to make Ric scream, “Please, Hollywood, I can’t take anymore!” Also, Jeff Jarrett says he has Sid’s number. He’s the chosen one and the next WCW champion. But Sid said Jarrett can’t be the master of the master. Sid will see Jeff in hell at Uncensored 2000.

After the video, they show Team Package arriving at the arena. Elsewhere, Hogan offers to watch Sid’s back tonight. Sid says he appreciates the gesture, but he doesn’t need it. However, he might be wrong because Jarrett tells the Harris Brothers he has an insurance policy. This leads to a shot of a mysterious limo pulling up outside the building.

Next, fireworks explode while Tony welcomes us to the March PPV spectacular. Instead of the usual introductions, they go straight to the entrances for the first match. It’s The Artist vs. Psychosis for the Cruiserweight Title. Juvi accompanies Psychosis, but he doesn’t do his usual Rock rip-off shtick. Once everyone arrives, unfamiliar music plays. This brings us the WCW debut of Chris Candido! He joins the commentary booth to scout his future competition. Chris calls himself Hard Knox Chris Candido, and he even has a t-shirt.

Cruiserweight Title Match: The Artist Formerly Known as Prince Iaukea (c) (w/ Paisley) vs. Psychosis (w/ Juventud Guerrera)

Storyline: The Artist had successful title defenses since SuperBrawl. He defended against Crowbar, David Flair, Chavo, Kaz, and even Madusa dressed as La Parka. Paisley helped him with these victories and caused a few catfights. Then the Artist came to scout his competition and started issues with another duo. The Artist and Paisley watched Psychosis wrestle Kaz Hayashi. When Juvi got in Paisley’s face, the Artist cost Psychosis the win. This led to Psychosis vs. Iaukea. The ref went down, so Juvi tried to count the pinfall for Psych and hand him the title. However, they called it a DQ finish. Meanwhile, Kaz and his new group, the Jung Dragons, also wanted a shot. After a wild brawl, the ref made Kaz and Psych fight in a #1 Contender Match. Psychosis won, so the Artist attacked him afterward.

The Match: Psychosis evades the Artist and gives him a flying hurricanrana and a plancha to the floor. Back inside, the Artist puts Psych in a tree of woe and nails a running knee. Then he controls the action by pulling Psychosis’ hair. Afterward, Paisley slaps Psychosis, and the Artist takes him outside for some brawling. They return, and the Artist scores a leg drop, but Psych answers with a sunset flip. He also gives the Artist a Frankensteiner and a sit-out gourdbuster. This leads to more Paisley interference, so Juvi grabs her. He kisses Paisley, which infuriates her. She rips Juvi’s clothes, and Madden screams catfight. Meanwhile, Psych lands a guillotine leg drop, but Paisley distracts him. It opens the door for the Artist’s diving DDT and a pinfall.

Thoughts: This was dull and uninteresting until the finish, and that wasn’t great. They never allowed them to find a second gear. This was too short. Plus, between Candido’s commentary and the antics on the outside, the in-ring action felt secondary. It was almost background noise.

Winner: The Artist (7:22)

Gene interviews Bam Bam Bigelow. He says Bam Bam faces the Wall tonight. Bam Bam brought him into the business, but something went wrong. Bigelow doesn’t know what it is. The Wall’s actions made him sick to his stomach. He crushed and crippled people. This wasn’t what Bigelow taught him. He tried to teach the Wall the right way. However, Bam Bam says, “I taught the Wall everything he knows, but I didn’t teach him everything I know!” Tonight, he’s going to teach the Wall a lesson.

Now it’s time for the Screamin’ Demons vs. XS. During the entrances, Miss Hancock joins the commentary table. Madden offers her a seat on his lap, but she ignores this. When Lane and Rave spot her, they grab a microphone. Lane tells Hancock to stop following them. She isn’t rizzat material. (It’s slang for rat.) An unimpressed Hancock claims they need female companionship. She also says XS stands for extra small. Then Smiley and the Demon arrive. The casket rises, but Norman emerges in his own Demon costume and makeup. When they reach the ring, Norman and the Demon attempt a dance-off, but XS jumps them.

The Screamin’ Demons (Norman Smiley & The Demon) vs. XS (Lane & Rave)

Storyline: Lane and Idol went through a few name changes before they settled on Lane and Rave. Then they renamed their team XS. All the while, Miss Hancock wanted to teach them a lesson for leaving her. She distracted them by dancing on the announce table and cost them victories. Later, XS spotted Demon’s casket backstage. They tried to prank Demon by welding the door shut, but he caught them and they brawled. Afterward, Norman Smiley defeated Lane, so XS jumped him. The Demon came to his aid and made XS retreat. This led to Demon vs. Idol. After Demon finally scored his first victory, XS attacked him. This time, Smiley returned the favor and aided Demon. Plus, Demon saved Norman from the Dog. (I’ll explain this before the Hardcore match.) As a result, Smiley and Demon teamed against Knobs and the Dog, but they lost.

The Match: The Demon scores a butterfly suplex, but the action spills outside. Then they fight around the announce table. Back inside, Norman bumps Lane into the corner and gives him a spinning slam. He also attempts the Big Wiggle, but XS keeps stopping him. They attack Norman from behind and throw clotheslines. So Norman fends them off and tags the Demon. However, XS gains control. They do a vaulting wheel kick in the corner and a suplex. Next, everyone collapses after an awkward double clothesline. But this allows Norman to tag and clean house. With XS down, Smiley tries another Big Wiggle. So XS shoves him over, and Lane nails a full nelson facebuster. Afterward, a brawl erupts. Lane takes the Demon outside, but Norman makes Rave submit to the Norman Conquest.

Thoughts: This was a sloppy and disjointed mess. There was no flow or rhythm to it. People came in and out of the ring at will. They seemed unsure what to do. After all that, the ending was abrupt. This wouldn’t even make a good TV encounter, let alone a PPV one.

Winners: The Screamin’ Demons (3:41)

After the bell, XS tries to blame their loss on Miss Hancock. They drag her away from the announce table, so Norman and the Demon rescue her. Then they do a dance-off with the referee. Miss Hancock even gives Norman the Big Wiggle!

Backstage, Kidman apologizes to Booker for what happened on Thunder. Booker says he needs Kidman to have his back tonight, so Kidman assures him he will. Booker sounds skeptical. He tells Kidman to be there. Otherwise, he might prove Stevie Ray right.

Elsewhere, David Flair and Crowbar speak with Daffney. David says it will be dangerous out there with the Wall, so she has to stay backstage. Daffney gives him her scout’s honor she will obey, but she laughs when they leave.

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. The Wall

Storyline: The Wall defeated Bigelow after SuperBrawl and went on a rampage. First, he chokeslammed Crowbar from the ring apron to the announce table! So David Flair sought revenge. He fought The Wall, and Wall chokeslammed David on a stack of tables. Arn Anderson came to check on David and wondered why Ric was nowhere to be found. After the carnage, Bigelow blamed himself. Bam Bam brought The Wall into wrestling and trained him. So he apologized to David and Crowbar and tried to make it right. However, Wall put Bigelow through a table. With Bam Bam down, Wall ripped the neck braces off David and Crowbar and chokeslammed them. Next, Bigelow challenged the Wall to a match, but it ended in chaos. David and Crowbar intervened again, so the Wall threatened to chokeslam David off a balcony. Thankfully, Bigelow stopped him, and cops arrested the Wall.

The Match: Bam Bam jumps the Wall as he enters the ring. They exchange strikes and clotheslines until Bigelow knocks Wall down. Then Bam Bam lands a flying headbutt. It only gets a two. Next, the Wall blocks the Greetings and nails a big boot. He also scores a jumping knee. However, Bigelow gives Wall a DDT when he ducks. It’s not enough, and they brawl into the aisle. The fight heads toward the internet table. There, Wall throws a low blow and chokeslams Bigelow on the table. One monitor explodes in a puff of smoke. The referee calls for the bell.

Thoughts: They ended with a cool visual, but it’s a disappointing finish. I understand they have enough gimmick matches on the card already, but this should have been a hardcore fight. No one wanted a DQ after the build for this bout. The first three contests on this PPV felt like they belonged on TV.

Winner: Bam Bam Bigelow (by DQ) (3:21)

After the bell, David and Crowbar attack the Wall, but he fends them off. Wall rips off Crowbar’s neck brace and headbutts him. EMTs arrive to help Bigelow while they continue fighting. Next, Crowbar fights back and the Wall chases him backstage. When we see them again, they’re on top of the entrance set! Wall grabs Crowbar by the throat and looks over the edge. The commentators beg him not to do it, but Wall chokeslams Crowbar down to the stage and he breaks through it! EMTs bring another stretcher for Crowbar. (The match might have sucked, but I liked this part.)

Mean Gene is with Brian Knobs, who appears to have shaved off his eyebrows! They can’t believe what they witnessed, but they still conduct the interview. Knobs calls Bam Bam and Crowbar the two gutsiest guys he knows. He dedicates his upcoming match to them. Gene says Brian must beat all three members of 3 Count to regain his Hardcore belt.

This leads to 3 Count’s entrance. Helms wears a Zorro-style protective mask because he broke his nose. When they arrive, Evan tells the ladies they will be at South Beach later. Then 3 Count tries to perform, but Knobs interrupts them. However, Brian realizes he forgot his weapons cart and runs to get it. While this happens, the commentators talk about Bigelow and Crowbar. They don’t know how they can call this bout. Madden says he feels like a jackass. (I agree!) Despite this, they explain the rules. It’s a gauntlet. Knobs must eliminate all three members to win.

Hardcore Title Gauntlet Match: Brian Knobs vs. 3 Count (c)

Storyline: Karagias had a match with Finlay, so Fit interrupted 3 Count’s performance. Then Finlay fended off 3 Count and won. Next, 3 Count dared Knobs to put his Hardcore Title on the line against the three of them. Brian agreed, and 3 Count succeeded after dogpiling on Knobs! This made the trio co-champions. Knobs called it his own ignorant mistake, but he had a surprise for them. Finlay and Knobs unleashed the Dog! (The Dog is Al Greene. He thinks he’s a dog. So he bites people and drinks from toilets.) 3 Count faced Knobs, Finlay, and Dog, and the Dog scored the pin after a super powerslam. The Dog also defeated Evan one-on-one. Meanwhile, Knobs issued an open challenge and got Terry Funk. So 3 Count interfered to help Funk win. However, Funk took out 3 Count with chicken punches. (I’ll explain later.)

The Match: Knobs fends off mop and trash can attacks before giving everyone Pity City. Helms shakes it off because his mask protected him. So he throws a chair shot and sets up a ladder. Then 3 Count uses it to land splashes on Knobs, and Shannon hits a senton bomb. 3 Count gets up and tries to dance. This allows Knobs to recover and spray them with an extinguisher. Afterward, he eliminates Helms with a mop and the ladder. He also takes out Evan by powerbombing him on a table! This leaves Shannon. Brian sets up another table, but Helms surprises him with a missile dropkick. Moore pins him and thinks he won, but the ref spots Brian’s foot on the rope. So Shannon grabs the title belt, and Brian kicks it into his face. This opens the door for Knobs’ diving trash can shot to end it.

Thoughts: This was okay, but that sadly makes it the best match of the first hour. The stuff 3 Count did with the ladder was nice, and the first table spot was good. Everything else was repetitive brawling. It’s clear 3 Count should be in the cruiserweight division, not the hardcore one.

Winner: Brian Knobs (New Champion) (6:51)

Gene is with the new Harlem Heat, Cash, and J. Biggs. Tonight, they face Booker and Kidman. Stevie says it’s about time they got those pipsqueaks in the ring! They will make short order of them. Then Stevie says something I didn’t understand, despite rewinding it three times. It sounded like he called Torrie Wilson a skrat. Did he mean rat? After the baffling comment, Stevie tells Booker not to trust Kidman. Finally, Big T ends the promo with screaming. He tells Booker and Kidman the heat is on!

Meanwhile, they show the mystery limo again. No one has emerged. Who is inside? Is it Jarrett’s insurance policy?

Elsewhere, Vampiro stands behind a ladder in a room with mood lighting. He says he sees bad people when he looks at the world around him. This makes him think bad thoughts and do violent things. Now he has Finlay in his face. Fit told him he has no respect or responsibility. When Finlay pushes his buttons, he thinks bad things! So is this the calm before the storm or a moment of silence for the sinners? When Vamp finishes, Tony mocks the promo. He says Uncensored’s tagline should have been very bad things. (To be fair, it wasn’t a good promo.)

Booker & Billy Kidman (w/ Torrie Wilson) vs. Harlem Heat 2000 (w/ Cash & J. Biggs)

Storyline: Booker and Kidman joined forces after the Harris Brothers attacked them. The problem is, they weren’t on the same page. Kidman cost them a victory, so Booker challenged him to a fight. When the Harris Brothers jumped them again, Kidman said he wanted Booker on his side. However, Kidman seemed preoccupied with Torrie. This caused more friction when Kidman failed to save Booker from a beating. Booker had Billy’s back, but Kidman couldn’t say the same. As a result, Booker grew frustrated with Torrie for distracting Kidman. Meanwhile, Harlem Heat 2000 mocked Booker for his woes. They also introduced the big man from SuperBrawl. His name is Cassius, or Cash for short. Then Harlem Heat competed in a Four Corners Match, but Booker and Kidman eliminated them. An irate Stevie Ray demanded a bout with Booker and Kidman at the PPV.

The Match: Harlem Heat fends off kicks from Booker and Kidman. Then Stevie lands a powerslam on Kidman. So Booker tags and thwarts Cash’s interference before nailing a Russian leg sweep on Big T. However, Harlem Heat takes control when Stevie clotheslines Kidman out of the air. They use frequent tags and double team attacks. Plus, Stevie lures Booker into the ring so Cash can interfere. They take Kidman outside, where Big T dives over the guardrail. But he comes up short and face-plants! Despite this, the onslaught continues until Kidman scores a tornado bulldog. This leads to Booker’s hot tag. He hands out uranages, so Big T jumps Booker from behind. Harlem Heat hits a double spinebuster, but it causes a brawl. In the chaos, Kidman shoves Cash away and does a flying sunset flip to Big T. Booker assists with a Harlem Sidekick, and Kidman gets a three.

Thoughts: This was decent. Plus, I liked the finish. We also got an amusing moment where Big T dove over the rail and face-planted when he missed Kidman. So it had entertainment value.

Winners: Booker & Kidman (6:59)

Booker, Kidman, and Torrie hug after the bout, so Tony calls it a nice moment. While he says this, it sounds like female fans in the crowd do a cheerleader routine about Kidman. Then Tony talks about the Wall’s actions from earlier. They show another replay while Tony gives an update. Both men suffered concussions. Plus, Bigelow separated his shoulder and Crowbar cracked some ribs. Tenay also worries about the emotional toll.

Falls Count Anywhere Match: Vampiro vs. Fit Finlay

Storyline: Vampiro scored a surprise roll-up victory over Finlay, and Fit snapped. He vowed to teach Vampiro respect. Finlay jumped him backstage multiple times. He attacked Vampiro after Luger broke Vamp’s arm. EMTs tried to help Vampiro, and Finlay interrupted them. But Finlay wasn’t Vampiro’s only problem. Vampiro also feuded with Jeff Jarrett over the US Title. He wrestled Jeff twice and came close to defeating him. However, drama between the Harris Brothers and the Mamalukes caused a distraction. Plus, the referees even argued with each other. Vampiro couldn’t catch a break. To make matters worse, Finlay ambushed Vampiro after Vamp’s bout with Jarrett. Finlay demanded a Falls Count Anywhere contest. He threatened to drag Vampiro to the bathroom and flush him down the toilet.

The Match: They exchange strikes until Vampiro scores a spin kick and flying wheel kick. Then Finlay answers with a fireman’s carry roll before grabbing a chair. Vamp, Finlay, and the ref fight over it, and Vampiro kicks it into Finlay’s face! This leads to brawling outside. Next, they head into the stands and end up in the concourse. Fit drags Vampiro into the women’s room, but he turns around and heads for the men’s restroom instead. There, they fight with a trash can and the stall door. Afterward, the action moves to a poorly lit concession area. Vamp hits Finlay with a hot dog and whips him into a post. So Finlay responds with a backdrop, but he misses a cast shot and nails the wall. The ensuing melee wipes out a security guard before Vamp ends it with a Nail in the Coffin on the floor.

Thoughts: This was a fun brawl. I liked the use of unique locations. My only gripe is the lighting in the concourse made it hard to see some of the action. Why did they bathe the area in red lighting? Was that for the match, or is that how it always looks? Either way, I still enjoyed this for what it was.

Winner: Vampiro (8:38)

We see Jarrett wish the Harris Brothers luck. He says not to embarrass him by breaking a sweat. Then Gene interviews their opponents, the Mamalukes. They remind Gene it’s the Paisans. Afterward, Disco calls the Harris Brothers jamooks. Disco promises his guys will beat the disrespect out of them. Next, Vito says the match will have family values. It’s no holds barred and no disqualifications. They will go home with the titles around their waists. And Johnny threatens to break their thumbs.

This leads to the entrances. The Mamalukes give each other the traditional Italian kiss on the cheek. They even do the same to Nick Patrick! Meanwhile, Disco joins the commentary table again. He wonders when WCW will pay him extra for it.

No DQ Match for the Tag Team Titles: The Harris Brothers vs. The Mamalukes (c) (w/ Disco Inferno)

Storyline: Jarrett felt WCW tried to screw him again, so he told the Harris Brothers to unleash destruction. They interrupted matches and gave wrestlers their H-Bomb finisher. Then they scuffled with Dillinger and WCW’s security. So WCW had them arrested. This didn’t stop the Harris twins. One of their targets was the Mamalukes. The Harris Brothers wanted the tag titles. In response, the Mamalukes sent the Harris Brothers a dead fish and concrete shoes as a warning. Johnny even swore off cheese sandwiches until he could break the Harris Brothers’ thumbs! Meanwhile, Disco declared he isn’t a wrestler anymore. He’s the manager of champions. When WCW booked Disco in bouts, he made the Mamalukes fight his battles for him. But this backfired because Vito and Johnny had their hands full with the Harris twins. So Disco got beat up a few times.

The Match: They trades strikes until the Mamalukes score a powerslam and swinging neckbreaker. The Harris twins answer with a low blow, but it isn’t enough. Vito and Johnny respond with double-teaming and a Brooklyn Bomb. (It’s their own version of the Harris Brothers’ H-Bomb.) However, the Harris twins take control. They use quick tags, distractions, and double-teaming. This lasts until a double down. Then Vito tags and cleans house with clotheslines. Plus, Vito nails a flying elbow before the Mamalukes do the Hart Attack. This causes chaos. Everyone breaks up pins. The Harris twins nail an H-Bomb. And Disco interferes with a tag belt. The twins thwart Disco and deck everybody with the title. It opens the door for the H-Bomb and the win.

Thoughts: This was basic and dull. They forgot it was No DQ for the first half and wrestled like normal. By the time they remembered, it was too late to save this. Plus, the crowd was quiet for most of the action.

Winners: The Harris Brothers (New Champions) (8:45)

Afterward, they show the limo again. The door remains closed.

Next, Finlay demanded interview time. He said he would teach Vampiro respect, and he succeeded! The better man won because he lit a fire under Vampiro. So Finlay tells Vampiro to keep it burning. He earned Finlay’s respect tonight.

Now Gene interviews Team Package. He says Flair has Hogan, and Luger faces Sting in a Lumberjack Cast Match. Luger says the coward finally returned from the injured list. He promises to beat Sting’s brain in and knock his teeth down his throat. Even Flair thinks Sting is going down. Plus, Ric says Hogan will sweat and bleed all night long. As the promo ends, Flair chants Team Package and yells woo.

A recap follows before Gene speaks with Dustin Rhodes. Gene tells Dustin what a bull rope is, as if Dustin didn’t know. Dustin says tonight begins Terry Funk’s retirement. He will beat the living hell out of him. Dustin vows to make Terry a bloody mess. Funk will say Dustin is the American Nightmare.

This leads to the entrances. Funk brings a microphone and a raw chicken. Terry does his best Foghorn Leghorn impression and calls Dustin a chicken. He says the only difference between Dustin and his dad is Dusty is fatter. With that said, Terry invites Dustin’s baby brother to the ring. It’s a man in a chicken suit. He leads Dustin on a chase, so Terry nails Dustin with a chicken punch.

Bull Rope Match: Dustin Rhodes vs. Terry Funk

Storyline: Terry Funk thought Dustin was on his side, but Dustin had enough of Funk insulting his dad. Dustin still remembered everything Funk did to Dusty years ago. So Dustin turned on Terry during a match and beat the crap out of him. Afterward, Dustin said he didn’t care how the smart mark fans felt about it. Later, Dustin jumped Funk at an autograph signing and shattered a glass over his head. This led to a wild brawl on Nitro, which included numerous chair shots to the head. Then Dustin threatened Terry with barbed wire, so Funk responded. He called Dustin a chicken-choking peckerhead. To illustrate the point, Terry pulled out a raw chicken. He called it Dustin’s illegitimate baby brother. Funk wrapped the chicken around his hand and punched Dustin with it! A week later, Dustin retaliated by attacking Funk with a bull rope. So WCW booked this contest.

The Match: They brawl in and out of the ring. Terry uses a DDT, choking, and cowbell shots. So Dustin answers with a low blow. Next, he wraps the rope around Terry and yanks him down. Plus, Terry gets caught in the ropes and teeters back and forth as Dustin punches him. After more fighting outside, Dustin lands a bulldog on the bell, but the chicken guy returns. (Madden says the chicken must die!) Dustin agrees. He beats the guy up, but it allows Funk to recover. Funk crotches Dustin and grabs a mic. Now he wants to change to I Quit rules, and Dustin quits after repeated bell shots. However, the ref never agreed to the rule change. This causes an argument between Funk and the ref. So Dustin whacks Terry with the bell and piledrives him on it for the win.

Thoughts: The action was repetitive and lacked the intensity of some of their brawls on TV. Then they added the unnecessary extra stuff. Some of Funk’s antics were amusing, but not the guy in the chicken suit. Worse yet, they added cheesy chicken sounds on top of it. Even the announcers called it out. I also have to bring up the timing of this bout. This is a week after Dusty competed in a Bull Rope contest on the ECW PPV. That isn’t a coincidence.

Winner: Dustin Rhodes (9:01)

Dustin grabs a mic. He tells the old bag of guts to get up. If Funk wants to play I Quit, he’ll send him back to Texas in a box. They brawl out of the ring, but Funk gains the advantage. So Dustin retreats. Meanwhile, Tony tells the fans to send in their cable bill for a free Outsiders t-shirt!

Next, Gene interviews Sid. Gene says he’s concerned about what Jarrett has up his sleeve. Sid says this isn’t the first time he dealt with Double J. He will expect anything but something stupid from Jarrett. So Sid says he won’t let Jarrett bother him. He has to go on to better things. Sid will watch his own back!

After another recap, the lumberjacks arrive for Sting vs. Luger. First, we get Luger’s victims. Finlay, Knobs, Vampiro, Dillinger, Hennig, and Jimmy Hart arrive. Luger’s entrance follows this, but the lumberjacks make him uneasy while posing. So Luger gets a mic and apologizes. He is sorry from the bottom of his heart, but Luger is also intelligent. He brought his own lumberjacks. Hugh Morrus, Harlem Heat 2000, and the Harris Brothers join them. They also wear casts, despite not having broken arms.

Lumberjack Cast Match: Sting vs. The Total Package

Storyline: After SuperBrawl, Hogan fought Luger in a cage, but Team Package attacked Jimmy Hart before the bout. Then the cage fight ended in chaos, and Team Package broke Dillinger’s arm! The arm-breaking rampage continued. They almost got Bagwell, but Sting intervened. However, they broke the arms of Hennig and Vampiro. Afterward, WCW announced this match. Plus, a problem arose in Team Package. Ric wouldn’t let Luger break Arn Anderson’s arm. So Luger gave Ric an ultimatum. Either convince Arn to join them or Team Package was done. Flair tried, but Arn didn’t want any part of this. He told Ric to grow up and act like a father to David. Ric said David was his own man and could handle himself. So Arn washed his hands of the situation and went home. Later, Team Package jumped Hogan again, but Sting fended them off.

The Match: Sting takes control, so Luger regroups in the safety of his lumberjacks. Back inside, Sting nails a Manhattan Drop, head clap, and strikes. Then he throws Luger to the other lumberjacks. They attack, and even Dillinger gets in some shots! But this draws Tank Abbott to the ring. He knocks Dillinger out and leaves! Afterward, the lumberjacks brawl with each other and fight backstage. However, Vampiro stays. So Flair and Liz run out. Sting fends Ric off and hits Stinger Splashes on Flair and Luger, but Liz decks Sting with the bat. Vampiro takes it from her while Jimmy Hart returns. Jimmy threatens Liz with the weight belt. Meanwhile, Luger puts Sting in the Rack. So Vampiro nails Luger with the bat, and Sting hits the Death Drop for the victory.

Thoughts: This was alright. It contained some amusing moments. Plus, I like the idea of Sting and Vampiro working together. The action wasn’t great, but it was decent. But this seems to be the theme of the PPV.

Winner: Sting (7:01)

Sting thanks Vampiro and hugs him, so Madden says Sting finally has a friend. Tenay calls them the brothers in paint.

Backstage, Gene stops Tank Abbott for a word. He asks Tank why he took out Doug Dillinger. Tank says he did it because he can. Then Abbott says Dillinger is in his computer, as Tank points at his head. He tried to take Tank’s money, but Tank would like to see Doug take it now.

A recap follows this before the limo door opens! However, they cut away before anyone exits. Instead, they show Jarrett walking backstage. Jeff claims his match is now, which confuses the commentators. Hogan vs. Flair was next in their lineup. They aren’t the only ones confused. Mike Graham tells Sid he is up, so Sid asks if he’s sure.

Buffer seems to be the only one who knows what is up. He introduces Sid vs. Jarrett. Michael says these men despise, distrust, and hate each other without apology. This leads to Jarrett’s entrance. He brings the nWo girls with him. Jeff says he will reach his destiny tonight, despite WCW’s roadblocks. Jarrett also asks the fans if they want the nWo girls to flaunt their stuff. The crowd says yes, but Jarrett says he has to win first.

WCW Title Match: Sid Vicious (c) vs. Jeff Jarrett (w/ The nWo Girls)

Storyline: Jarrett said he had a contract for a WCW championship match. He claimed Nash signed it, but you had to disregard the sloppy handwriting. Somehow, this worked. Sid said Jarrett could have his shot, but he would never master the master of the world. Meanwhile, WCW threatened to fine Jarrett $10,000 every time he used his guitar. Jarrett responded by breaking one over Mickey Jay’s head. He also attacked Sid before Sid wrestled Tank Abbott in a title bout. It almost cost Sid the victory, but Sid won with the crossface. Next, Jarrett faced Sid in tag matches, and he pinned Sid twice! So Jeff created a compilation video of his greatest hits on Sid. While these things unfolded, Jeff also antagonized the fans. He robbed them of chances to see the nWo girls. Jarrett even made the nWo girls compete in games for their jobs.

The Match: It doesn’t take long for the fight to spill outside. Sid does an axehandle off the announce table and throws Jarrett over the rail. Then they fight through the crowd. Nick Patrick follows them, so Jarrett distracts him by grabbing a chair. This allows the Harris Brothers to attack. They double team Sid and roll him into the ring. When Jarrett returns, he grabs a sleeper hold. Patrick checks Sid’s arms, but Sid recovers. Next, Sid counters a diving axehandle with a low blow. He nails a big boot, so one of the twins trips Sid. The other one holds the title belt on the apron. However, Sid whips Jeff into him and tries a chokeslam. Jarrett stops this with a low blow before clipping the ref by accident. Jeff uses the opening to blast Sid with a guitar and calls for Slick Johnson.

Slick runs to the ring, only for Hogan to follow behind him. Hogan pulls Johnson to the floor and attacks him. Now Hogan enters the ring, fends off the Harris Brothers, and leg drops Jarrett. Afterward, he drags Sid on top of Jarrett, and Patrick counts the three.

Thoughts: This wasn’t great, but I enjoyed it. The storytelling made up for the action. It gives Jarrett an excuse to say WCW screwed him again, so this played into the story well. Plus, Sid seems motivated again. He did well during the build for this PPV. Sid even had a surprisingly decent bout with Tank Abbott.

Winner: Sid (7:37)

After the bell, Scott Steiner runs to the ring and clocks Hogan with a guitar. Tony says this must be Jarrett’s insurance policy. (He’s a little late.) Tenay says we haven’t seen Steiner for months. (WCW suspended Scott for his scathing rant about Ric Flair.) Everybody stomps on Hogan until Sid runs them off. But then Ric Flair appears. He attaches the strap to Hogan’s arm and begins their match. Jimmy Hart joins them soon after.

Yappapi Indian Strap Match: Hulk Hogan (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. Ric Flair

Storyline: Ric Flair kept Hogan’s weight belt as a trophy. He used it to whip Luger’s victims. Then Team Package attacked Jimmy Hart. Hogan said Jimmy whispered a word as they loaded him into the ambulance. He said Yappapi, so Hogan challenged Flair to a Yappapi Indian Strap Match. Hogan vowed to whip Flair until he exposed the raw pink meat! Meanwhile, Hennig and Buff Bagwell sought vengeance. This led to Hogan & Hennig vs. Team Package. It ended in a DQ, and Liz hit Hogan with the bat. So Vampiro and Sting came to help. Later, Jimmy Hart antagonized Team Package during a promo. He earned a beating for his troubles, and Hogan heard about it when he arrived at the arena. As a result, Hogan demanded a handicap fight with Team Package. We didn’t get a conclusive finish, but Hogan ran them off with the weight belt.

The Match: The fight spills outside, and they whip and choke each other before returning to the ring. Next, Flair and Hogan trade eye pokes, low blows, and whipping. This leads to more brawling outside when Flair regroups. So Hogan pulls him back inside and slams Ric off the top rope. Hogan even invites Jimmy Hart to get some licks in. Later, Flair lures Hogan to the ramp, where Luger attacks Hogan with a chair. Now both men are bleeding, and Ric takes control. He attacks Hogan’s leg and touches three corners. Plus, Ric uses a fist weapon on Hogan. Flair covers him, but Hogan kicks out! He hulks up and nails a big boot. Afterward, Hogan touches three corners, but Luger returns. However, Hogan fends him off and pins Flair after a leg drop. Oh, but he touches the final corner to be sure.

Thoughts: Once again, WCW forgets the rules of their own match. This baffled and confused the commentators. The WWF wouldn’t allow this level of disorganization. How does this keep happening in WCW? Are they doing it on purpose? If so, that’s idiotic and embarrassing. The action was already repetitive and uninteresting. Then the silly finish made it worse.

Winner: Hulk Hogan (14:28)

The Good:

• Vampiro/Finlay was a fun brawl.

• Booker & Kidman vs. Harlem Heat amused me.

• Sting/Luger was decent.

The Bad:

• The embarrassing main event.

• The Screamin’ Demons vs. XS was a mess.

Observations:

• If Johnny the Bull keeps threatening to break people’s thumbs, he needs to at least attempt to do it. This is a Chekhov’s broken thumbs situation.

• WCW had a jolly laugh with the Hogan/Flair feud on TV. Every time Hogan cut a promo, the number of weight belts he held multiplied. It was comical.

• Watching the TV episodes gave me a new appreciation for the Wall. He did some impressive stuff.

• Last month, WCW had a mystery door. This month, it was a mystery limo. I’m sensing a pattern.

Performer of the Night:

I’m giving it to Vampiro. The promo wasn’t good, but his match performance was great. Plus, I liked his moment with Sting.

Final Thoughts:

Much of this show felt uninspired and mediocre. Only one bout lasted over ten minutes. Of course, it was Hogan’s contest. The PPV contained a few bright points, but even they weren’t great. Then it ended with a terrible main event. I see why WCW ends Kevin Sullivan’s return to booking. But they go back to the Russo well. Things are about to get worse.

Thank you for reading. My next review is the WWF’s WrestleMania 2000. Look for it next Sunday!