SuperBrawl 2000

(All screen captures are the property of World Wrestling Entertainment)

SuperBrawl

February 20, 2000

Cow Palace

San Francisco, California

News & Notes: After Souled Out, Arn Anderson admitted to his mistake. Sid’s foot was under the ropes. Therefore, the WCW Title was still vacant. This led to a power struggle between Commissioner Nash and the championship committee. As a compromise, Terry Taylor and the committee allowed Nash to name an opponent for Sid. Nash chose himself. However, Sid had to clear Nash’s roadblock first. If Sid couldn’t beat a Harris brother, Nash would win the belt by default. It appeared Sid succeeded and won the gold. However, Nash said he pinned the wrong Harris twin. Now Sid had to beat Nash and Ron Harris in Caged Heat. This time, Sid made Nash tap to a crossface, so Sid finally won the WCW championship. Afterward, Nash injured his ankle. He named Jarrett as the acting commissioner in his absence. This meant Sid’s fate was in Jeff’s hands.

Meanwhile, the nWo had fun with Nash in charge. First, Kevin told everyone to call him their lord and master. Then they ran an illegal casino backstage at Nitro. Plus, Scott Steiner wore outrageous outfits and cut a scathing promo about Ric Flair. Elsewhere, Standards & Practices fell apart. Lane and Lodi grew tired of the shtick and left Miss Hancock. So she told them they didn’t know what they were missing. Later, Lodi renamed himself Idol, and he and Lane formed a tag team called 2XS. In other news, we learned why Chono returned. He wanted revenge on Rotundo for leaving their Japanese faction, Team 2000. Chono brought Super J (nWo Sting) with him. Then we have Oklahoma. After relinquishing the Cruiserweight Title, Nash made him head of the women’s division. Finally, Jim Duggan discovered the TV Title in the trash, so he vowed to restore its glory.

I have one last note before we begin. As you may notice, WCW now has red ring ropes. They chose red for Nitro and blue for Thunder, which is a blatant copy of the WWF. But with that said, it looks better, so I can’t fault them.

During the opening video, the narrator tells us tensions build and attentions turn to SuperBrawl 2000. The hatred between Ric Flair and Terry Funk brewed for over a decade. Now they brawl in a Death Match. Plus, Luger called out Hulk Hogan. He gets his shot at immortality tonight. Then we have a man on a mission in Sid Vicious. He outsmarted the nWo and caused turmoil, but the nWo made him a marked man.

After Tony welcomes everyone to WCW’s February tradition, we go to Mean Gene. He is outside the commissioner’s office. Gene wants an update on Nash’s condition. Jarrett attacked Nash with a guitar on Thunder. What Gene gets instead is Jarrett, a line of ladies, and the Harris Brothers. Jarrett says he rang Nash’s bell, so he won’t be there tonight. Plus, Jeff lifted Nash’s ban on the Harris Brothers. He tells Gene to deliver the message to Hall and Sid.

When they cut to the commentators, Madden says they finally gave Jarrett a fair shake. Now Jeff is the favorite with the Harris Brothers in his corner. Next, they talk about the rest of the card. Will we get Hulk Hogan or Hollywood Hogan against Luger? Also, is James Brown really in the building? Madden claims he partied with James the previous night, but Tenay doesn’t believe him.

Afterward, we see the entrances for the first bout. It’s the finals of the cruiserweight tournament. Lash LeRoux faces The Artist, who brings Paisley with him. During the introductions, Tenay and Madden argue because Madden calls Lash an idiot savant. Meanwhile, Paisley tells everyone to prepare for the Artist’s creative genius. But Lash has other plans. He swats Paisley on the butt and earns a beating.

Cruiserweight Title Tournament Finals: The Artist Formerly Known as Prince Iaukea (w/ Paisley) vs. Lash LeRoux

Storyline: Oklahoma said he proved his point at Souled Out, so he relinquished the Cruiserweight Title. He wanted to give a real man a shot to win it. Besides, he isn’t a cruiserweight. Madusa tried to challenge him to a match to regain her belt, but Sherri Martel attacked her. Meanwhile, WCW started a tournament to crown a new champion. Lash LeRoux reached the finals by defeating Evan Karagias and Shannon Moore. Whereas The Artist beat Kid Romeo and Kaz Hayashi. (Psychosis pinned Kaz in the first round, but they gave Kaz a second chance because Psychosis had travel issues.)

The Match: Every time the Artist does corner punches, Lash shoves him to the mat. Plus, Lash does a press and drop and shoulder blocks. Afterward, he sends the Artist outside and lands a slingshot crossbody. But when they return to the ring, the Artist gives Lash a dragon screw leg whip and puts him in a tree of woe. Then he nails a running knee. Next, Lash scores a sunset flip, so the Artist grabs the ref’s junk to stop it! Once he regains his balance, the Artist licks his finger and runs it down Lash’s chest. It angers Lash, and he answers with mounted punches. This leads to traded pin attempts and a strike exchange. Lash gains the advantage, so he takes the Artist to the top rope. However, Paisley holds the Artist to block Lash’s Frankensteiner. It allows the Artist to end things with a diving DDT.

Thoughts: This was okay. The action was basic and sometimes sloppy, so it didn’t thrill the crowd. They were quiet for most of this. Only the Artist’s antics got a reaction, and it wasn’t the reaction you want. There was a small unfortunate chant directed at The Artist. Given the participants in the tournament, they could have booked a better final than this.

Winner: The Artist (New Champion) (5:47)

Next, we see a trainer taping Norman Smiley’s injured ribs before we get an interview with Brian Knobs. Gene says Knobs will face Bam Bam Bigelow tonight. After what happened to Brian over the last 90 days, he must be chomping at the bit. Brian agrees. He was on top of the mountain until Bam Bam knocked him down with Luger’s help. But his training with Finlay taught him to never give up. There is no retreat, surrender, or prisoners. That’s who Nasty Knobs is!

Meanwhile, they show a locked door with a sign that says, “Keep out.” Tenay says he staked out the area for hours, but no one emerged. When Madden questions this, Tenay admits he made Ross Forman do it.

Afterward, Knobs arrives for his fight with Bigelow. Tony wants someone to explain why Finlay cost Knobs the title. Tenay says it was part of Finlay’s training methods. They also talk about Knobs’ broken arm. Madden claims it was an accident. Luger was trying to kick the chair away. Tenay can’t believe what he hears.

Hardcore Title Match: Brian Knobs vs. Bam Bam Bigelow (c)

Storyline: Knobs wanted to prove to Finlay the student finally surpassed the master. He and Finlay jumped Bigelow during Bam Bam vs. Funk. But the problem is, Brian kept costing Finlay victories with his poor attempts at interference. As a result, Finlay told Knobs to stay in the back when Finlay wrestled Bam Bam. So Knobs stole Finlay’s weapon and laughed when Fit lost. Later, Brian tried to bribe Jarrett. He asked Jeff to book Finlay vs. Luger, but it backfired. Since Knobs didn’t pay him enough, Jarrett made Knobs face Luger with Finlay as the ref. This resulted in Luger breaking Brian’s arm. Worse yet, Finlay officiated Bigelow vs. Knobs and helped Bam Bam beat Brian for the Hardcore Title! Afterward, Nash made Finlay fight Luger, and Lex broke Finlay’s arm as well. So Knobs and Finlay attacked each other with their casts.

The Match: They brawl toward the internet booth and hit each other with trash cans. Next, they fight over the rail and into the stands. As the action spills into the concourse, Bigelow slams Knobs on a table. So Finlay tries to help Brian, but Brian says he wants to do it on his own. Afterward, they move back to the ring, where Brian uses the ring steps and grabs a table. He puts it in the corner and looks for a bulldog, but Bam Bam shoves Knobs through the table. When Brian gets caught in the wreckage, Bigelow uses trash can lids like cymbals around Knobs’ head. A Greetings from Asbury Park follows, but Bigelow doesn’t cover. Instead, he climbs for a flying chair shot, so Finlay distracts Bigelow. This allows Knobs to shove Bigelow to the floor and whack him with his cast. It earns the three.

Thoughts: Much like the first bout, this felt pedestrian and dull. When they brawled into the concourse, I got my hopes up, but they did little. Then the finish was weak. Also, the Finlay/Knobs storyline makes no sense. So why would anyone care about this contest?

Winner: Brian Knobs (New Champion) (4:44)

Backstage, Ric Flair hypes up Lex Luger. He says Hogan never looked as good on his best day. Lex is bigger and better! Flair also tells Liz she never looked so lovely. Flair asks who can stop them now.

Elsewhere, they show security guards outside the locker rooms of Sid and Scott Hall. Their orders are to make sure neither man leaves, and no one enters. One guard even bars the president from entering the room. Tony says this is necessary because of an altercation between Hall and Sid at a hotel.

Afterward, 3 Count arrives for their bout. They carry their performance platforms, but Evan says they aren’t going to sing. This pleases Tony and Mike. However, Madden likes them. He thinks they will record an album with James Brown. While Mark says this, Norman Smiley enters the arena. He wears a Jerry Rice jersey for the San Francisco crowd.

Handicap Match: 3 Count (Evan Karagias, Shane Helms, & Shannon Moore) vs. Norman Smiley

Storyline: After Nash questioned Norman’s courage, Smiley sought to prove him wrong. So Norman said he would go after the toughest and most feared men in WCW. He targeted 3 Count! Norman interrupted their performances. He even invaded the production truck and messed with their music. So 3 Count wanted revenge, but Norman hid in the Demon’s coffin. It closed around a screaming Norman, and he emerged in the Demon’s gear and face paint. This gave him the confidence to defeat Shane Helms. He also beat Evan and Shannon in singles matches. Since 3 Count kept coming after him, Norman challenged the trio to a handicap fight at the PPV. Afterward, Smiley teamed with Lane against 3 Count. When Miss Hancock distracted everyone, Norman used the opening to win. Unfortunately, this made Smiley overconfident. He wrestled The Wall and ended up on a stretcher after a chokeslam through a table.

The Match: Norman sends everyone outside. Then he tries a sunset flip at the apron, but 3 Count blocks it. They also stop Norman’s wheelbarrow slam and take turns covering him. Next, Helms lands a gut-wrench suplex and climbs the ropes. However, Shane misses a corkscrew senton. This allows Norman to give Helms a giant swing, which makes Norman dizzy. As a result, Norman can’t do the Big Wiggle, but his dancing leads to a small dance break. Later, 3 Count prevents a Norman Conquest and they rip off Smiley’s jersey. Plus, they hit double-team moves and a superkick from Shane. With Norman down, Evan does a twisting splash, Shane adds a Frog Splash, and Shannon puts Smiley in a Liontamer. So Smiley taps.

Thoughts: I hate to sound like a broken record, but the first three matches have disappointed. It feels like they’re rushing to give the later bouts more time. The action in this was good, but it never found momentum. However, I will credit them for one thing. This was the first contest to have some heat. There were a few 3 Count sucks chants.

Winners: 3 Count (4:06)

Tony and Mike say Smiley fought through the pain and showed courage in defeat. Schiavone also says 3 Count is good in the ring, but they need to stop singing and dancing. While he says this, Norman waves off medical help and walks to the back under his own power.

Elsewhere, Jarrett tells the Harris Brothers to find out who is behind the mysterious locked door we saw earlier. WCW screwed him over too many times, and it won’t happen again! Ron and Heavy D promise to take care of it. So Tony says they aren’t the only ones who want to know who is in the room.

Now it’s time for what Tony calls a special main event attraction. (I’ll explain in a moment.) The Demon emerges from his coffin and appears to spit up blood. Mark asks if it is real, so Tony says you have to consult your KISStory. It’s a mixture of food coloring and Karo syrup. After he says this, Tenay and Madden give him crap for saying the word KISStory. As this happens, The Wall’s music plays, but he doesn’t appear. So The Demon goes to find him, and The Wall attacks from behind.

The Wall vs. The Demon

Storyline: Because of their agreement with KISS, WCW had to feature the Demon in a PPV main event. So they dubbed this encounter a special main event attraction. But you could tell WCW had no intention of pushing the Demon. He wrestled five times on TV and lost every bout. Four of them were squashes. Bam Bam pinned him in three seconds after whacking the Demon with a Kendo Stick as he exited his coffin. To make matters worse, Norman Smiley stole his gear. So the Demon called the cops. However, the Demon found at least one ally. The Demon’s return thrilled Crowbar. He’s a big fan of KISS. After the Demon lost to Kidman, Crowbar attacked Kidman and bowed to the Demon.

The Match: The Wall rams the Demon against the rail and rolls him into the ring. There, The Wall nails a press slam and chokes Demon with his boot. Next, The Demon fires back with a diving clothesline, suplex, and strikes. However, The Wall lands a hotshot and backbreaker. Afterward, he climbs the turnbuckles, but The Demon slams him and almost drops Wall on his head. (Does Ric Flair know they’re using his spot?) With The Wall down, Demon also climbs to the top. This time, The Wall meets him and hits a super Chokeslam for the win.

Thoughts: This was pointless and uninteresting. I felt bad for both men because this didn’t do them any favors. Dale Torborg wanted to make The Demon character work, but WCW didn’t give him the chance. They treated him worse than a Saturday Night jobber. At least they get more offense in their bouts. Also, WCW made The Wall look good in previous months, but this is dragging him down.

Winner: The Wall (3:37)

Next, Gene interviews Ernest the Cat Miller. Gene says he looked high and low, but he didn’t find James Brown. So Miller tells Gene he should have looked for a breath mint. His breath smells like old neck bones. Then Cat assures Gene James is there. They will dance tonight. After Miller says this, Gene brings up The Maestro. He said Miller should listen to classical music, like Beethoven. Cat finds this absurd. He claims Beethoven stole his stuff from Little Richard, who got his music from James Brown. Miller also promises to get funky tonight. When Gene doesn’t respond, Miller tells him to shut up.

Meanwhile, the Harris Brothers pound on the door of the locked private room. No one answers, so they head to find a key.

Now it’s time for a Skins Match between Tank Abbott and his former bodyguard, Big Al. They will hang Tank’s jacket on a pole. The one who retrieves it wins. This disappoints Madden. He thought the match involved golf clubs. Also, Madden points out Big Al’s hypocrisy. He called Tank a sell-out for joining wrestling, but Al joined too.

Skins Match: Tank Abbott vs. Big Al

Storyline: Tank Abbott dominated his opponents with one-punch knockouts, but this drew the attention of his former bodyguard, Big Al. He said Tank sold out and became a wrestler instead of an MMA fighter. After Tank knocked out Al Greene, he spotted Big Al in the crowd and confronted him. (No, Big Al and Al Greene aren’t the same person, contrary to what some people say online. He can’t be in two places at once.) Then Big Al kept showing up at WCW shows until security escorted him from the building. Later, Tenay interviewed Abbott. Tank said he would have given Big Al the jacket off his back, but those days were over. Now Big Al wants to take it from him. So he challenged Al to a Skins Match. They will hang the jacket on a pole.

The Match: Big Al removes his belt and wants to tie their arms together like Michael Jackson’s “Beat It” video. His strategy is to take away Tank’s right hook, so Abbot throws lefts. In response, Big Al tells him to bring more shit to the table. (Tenay says this is hard left hands and bad language. What more do you want?) When Al gets him down, he drags Tank to the post, but he changes his mind. Al stands on Abbott’s face instead. This angers Tank, so he shoves Al and throws wild strikes. Plus, Tank does an arm drag and calls Al a fuck bag. Next, Tank puts a dazed Al on his shoulders and climbs the turnbuckles. However, he drops Al and falls down. (This makes Tony laugh.) After a few forearms, Tank grabs the jacket to win.

Thoughts: This was awful. It might be one of the worst things I’ve seen on WCW PPV in a while. Big Al looked like he didn’t even train for this. There’s no way Tank Abbott could lead him through it because he’s just as green. So what did WCW expect? The only interesting part happens next, but it’s for all the wrong reasons.

Winner: Tank Abbott (4:34)

Tank tries to put the jacket on, but he gives up. As this happens, WCW’s trainer Danny Young checks on Big Al, so Tank kicks him. Then Tank pulls a knife out of the jacket and holds it against Big Al’s throat. He yells, “I could fucking kill you!” Because of this, WCW cuts to a wide shot, but Madden asks if that was a knife. Tony assures him it was scissors. Tank was trying to cut Al’s beard. The problem is, Al has nothing more than a light goatee. It looks like he grew it a few days before the event.

Afterward, Mean Gene interviews the new Harlem Heat with an injured J. Biggs. Gene says these men contend to be the real Harlem Heat. Tonight, Big T faces Booker for the rights to the name. Then Stevie claims Booker knows nothing about watching someone’s back. That’s why Stevie brought Big T in. He watched Stevie’s back for years. Stevie also warns Booker someone else from their past is watching. He might be on the winning team.

They show a recap before Gene gets Booker’s rebuttal. Gene says Booker’s match has historical ramifications. This might be the end of an era! Booker says he isn’t worried about that. He crossed no one who didn’t have it coming. That includes his brother and Big T. Tonight is for all the marbles and the big enchilada! Now can you dig that?

During the entrances, Madden swears he grew up in Harlem with Stevie and Booker. You even saw his house when Stevie visited the old neighborhood. Tony and Mike don’t buy it. They ignore the comment and talk about Stevie’s cryptic warning. Who is this person from their past? Mike thinks it’s Midnight. (Did he miss the part where Stevie referred to him as he?)

For the rights to the Harlem Heat name: Big T (w/ Stevie Ray & J. Biggs) vs. Booker

Storyline: Big T and Booker had an impromptu fight on Nitro after Big T called Midnight a rat. Booker wrestled in his dress clothes and Big T kept his fanny pack on the entire time. The fanny pack held a slapjack, which Big T used to win. Afterward, Stevie hired J. Biggs to secure the rights to Harlem Heat. They seized Booker’s gear and music. Biggs even took the letter T away from Booker because it belongs to Big T. Now Booker had to use the Leave it to Beaver theme as his entrance music. But Booker said it was fine. The song would drive him to get revenge on Big T. So Booker attacked the new Harlem Heat, and J. Biggs got caught in the crossfire. As a result, Biggs wore braces on his neck and arm and had Booker arrested.

The Match: After they trade slams and suplexes, the action spills outside. Stevie interferes, so Booker gives Stevie and Big T the double noggin knocker. Back inside, Booker lands a flying axehandle. However, Stevie and J. Biggs interfere again. They attack Booker and roll him into the ring, but Big T cannot slam him. This time, Booker counters with a Russian leg sweep, axe kick, and Harlem Sidekick. After fending off more interference, Booker nails an uranage and missile dropkick. But then the lights go out and a bell tolls. Instead of Midnight, a large man in a leather jacket appears. (It’s 4×4 from the No Limit Soldiers, but they give him a new name soon.) The distraction allows Big T to score a Big T Bomb (Pearl River Plunge). It’s enough for the win.

Thoughts: This was bad. Big T was so winded, Booker yelled at him to get up for the next move. They had to add the bells, whistles, and outside interference to make this interesting. The action sure wouldn’t do it. But the efforts failed.

Winner: Big T (5:23)

After the bell, J. Biggs says you are now looking at the new Harlem Heat Incorporated. And as for Booker, he always has been and will be just Booker. Biggs says the combined weight of Big T, Stevie Ray, and their new ally shifts the scales of justice in their favor. Booker can’t overcome this.

Next, Gene interviews The Maestro and Symphony. He reminds everyone about the verbal sparring between Maestro and Ernest Miller. Maestro says Ernest’s false claims make him sick. The Cat doesn’t know James Brown. So Maestro makes a wager. If James Brown appears tonight, The Maestro will listen to his wretched music. However, if Brown isn’t there, Miller becomes his lackey. Plus, he will make The Cat listen to Beethoven.

Back at the mystery door, the Harris Brothers found a building attendant. He tries to unlock it, but someone changed the lock. So Ron and Heavy D attack the poor man.

Billy Kidman (w/ Torrie Wilson) vs. Vampiro

Storyline: Everyone sang Kidman’s praises after Souled Out, including Vampiro. So Kidman and Vampiro wrestled and traded wins. Vampiro even saved Kidman from The Wall, but Billy took exception to this. It led to a 3-Way Dance between Kidman, Vampiro, and Wall, and Vamp took the pin. Afterward, Vamp said he respected Kidman, but he didn’t like him. Despite this, Kidman and Vampiro teamed together. They faced La Parka and The Artist. During the bout, Kidman tried to stop a catfight between Torrie and Paisley. It cost them the victory, and Vamp abandoned Kidman. When Billy confronted him, Vampiro told Kidman he focused too much on Torrie instead of the match. But they paired up again. This time, they fought the Harris Brothers. Vampiro almost left when Kidman struggled, but Vamp returned. He ate a chair shot for his trouble.

The Match: They exchange strikes and takedowns until Vampiro lands a tilt-a-whirl slam. Then Vamp lifts Kidman onto his shoulders, but Billy takes them outside with a headscissors. After fighting on the floor and top rope, Vampiro nails a gut-wrench superplex. This leads to more back and forth before Vamp knocks Kidman into Torrie. When Billy checks on her, Vampiro grabs a chair. But Kidman kicks it into Vampiro’s face after Vamp threatens Torrie. Next, Kidman scores a Rydeen Bomb, which isn’t enough. So Vampiro answers with a Rocker Dropper and an odd missile dropkick. Afterward, they fight on top again. This time, Kidman does a Frankensteiner. Later, Vamp catches Kidman and gives him a double powerbomb! (Vampiro now leads the pack for successful powerbombs on Kidman.) Finally, we get one more trip to the top, and Kidman ends it with a super reverse DDT.

Thoughts: It’s about time we got decent action! Some parts were sloppy, but it was still enjoyable. Plus, this is the first contest to get a reaction out of this dead crowd. I also have to give the commentators credit. They put over both Vamp and Kidman for their impressive efforts. I wonder if this love-fest for Kidman is what sparks Hogan’s infamous interview about Billy.

Winner: Kidman (7:20)

Now Gene interviews Terry Funk with Dustin Rhodes. He says Funk will face Ric Flair in a Death Match. Funk says Flair messed around hundreds of people in this business, but not anymore! Terry’s father was the king of the death matches. So Funk promises to kick Flair’s ass, and Dustin will be there with him.

Elsewhere, the security guards stop Sid from leaving his dressing room. After yelling at the guy for touching him, Sid tells him to find Mean Gene and bring him there. Meanwhile, David Flair and Crowbar drag a stretcher through the hallway. Daffney rides on it and screams.

This brings us to an interview with the Mamalukes. When Gene calls them this, they correct him. It’s the Paisans! An unfazed Mean Gene asks them about their Sicilian Stretcher Match against Flair and Crowbar. Disco and Vito talk about David and Crowbar making Vito’s mama cry. Vito says he consulted his mother and a priest, and they gave him permission to take out David and Crowbar. Those guys make them so sick, Johnny can’t even eat his cheese sandwich! So Johnny threatens to break their thumbs.

Afterward, Tenay explains the rules of this encounter. There are no pins, submissions, or disqualifications. They continue until they drag both members of the team away on stretchers. During the entrances, Disco pushes a wheelchair to the ring with a trash can on it. When they arrive, Disco joins commentary.

Sicilian Stretcher Match for the Tag Team Titles: The Mamalukes (c) (w/ Disco Inferno) vs. David Flair & Crowbar (w/ Daffney)

Storyline: Everyone calls Vito and Johnny the Mamalukes, but they hate this. It means knucklehead. They told WCW to call them the Paisans, to no avail. Meanwhile, Disco reluctantly managed the Mamalukes, but his attitude changed after one victory. Vito and Johnny beat Flair & Crowbar for the tag titles! Now Disco calls himself the manager of champions! Disco even helped the Mamalukes win a rematch in a Bensonhurst Street Fight. Later, Disco rewarded Vito. He flew Vito’s sister in to have her wedding reception at Nitro. However, David, Daffney, and Crowbar crashed the party. Afterward, they assaulted the Mamalukes with weapons, which made Vito’s mama cry. So the Mamalukes challenged Flair & Crowbar to a Sicilian Stretcher Match. Then Vito fought Crowbar in a Street Fight. The Mamalukes tried to lock David and Daffney in a room. They broke free and pelted Vito with food, but Vito won.

The Match: The fight spills into the aisle. Crowbar lands a Vader Bomb off the rail and a slingshot splash onto the stretcher. So the Mamalukes answer by using the stretcher as a clothesline. We get some action in the ring. There, the Mamalukes use double-team attacks and a swinging neckbreaker. But this draws Daffney into the fight. She gives Johnny a hurricanrana and maces Disco in the eyes. In the chaos, Crowbar uses his pipe and lands a Lionsault. Next, they introduce a table, and Vito powerbombs Crowbar onto it. This allows the Mamalukes to tape David to the stretcher and eliminate him. When Crowbar recovers, he does a slingshot crossbody while Daffney rings the bell. It isn’t enough. Vito drives Crowbar through another table with a splash. So they tape Crowbar to the stretcher. They also tape Daffney to the wheelchair and gag her before eliminating Crowbar.

Thoughts: This was an awkward mess. It contained some amusing moments and nice spots, but they couldn’t save this train wreck. The fans were once again silent. They only reacted to the finish. With this said, I will give Disco credit. He was great on commentary.

Winners: The Mamalukes (11:22)

Backstage, Jarrett asks the Harris Brothers for an update. They say they couldn’t get into the room, but the building is going to need a new janitor. Jarrett says this is fine. He has a plan.

Then the security guard brings Mean Gene to Sid’s locker room. Sid wants everybody to know something. Despite the surprises, Jarrett and Hall will find out one thing tonight. Sid is the world champion, and he didn’t get there by mistake. He earned it through blood and sweat. So no amount of scheming from Jarrett or any of Hall’s friends will stop him. Not even the man behind the mystery door can do it. Sid is the master and ruler of the world!

Storyline: Ernest Miller returned to TV with some new dance moves. He knew the fans wanted to see them, so he donned his red shoes and cut a rug. But the fans booed him, so the Cat insulted them for being old and fat. They didn’t understand his talent. Miller claimed he toured with James Brown and learned everything from him. In fact, Cat said James Brown was there at the building. They filmed a video together! When Gene questioned this, Miller said James would appear on Thunder. This didn’t happen, but Cat swore Brown would show up for Nitro. Gene accused Miller of selling a lie, so Cat threatened to sell his foot to Gene’s ass. (This made Gene burst into laughter.) When nothing happened on Nitro, the Maestro had enough. Miller’s claims were an insult to music. He confronted Miller and chased him to the back.

The Segment: Miller comes to the ring. He admonishes the fans for not believing in him. Now they want to suck up because he’s friends with James Brown. After Ernest insults a woman in the crowd, his music plays again. This brings us—a James Brown impostor. The Cat acts like it’s him and they dance until The Maestro interrupts them. He tells Miller to cut this crap out now. Since Miller failed to produce James, Maestro tells him to go grab his bags and meet him at the limo. Maestro even snatches the wig off the impostor. Miller tells him to never do that again, but The Maestro asks, “Says who?” So a voice responds, “Says me!”

Then James Brown’s music plays and dancers enter the arena. The real James Brown follows behind them, and the Maestro gives us a ridiculous reaction before fainting. When James arrives, he dances with Miller and even puts a robe on Ernest’s back. Tenay says papa has a brand new cat, while Brown lists a few of his songs. Plus, Brown plugs his new album.

Thoughts: This was amusing, but it went too long. Plus, they had to dub over all the original music, which kills the impact of the segment. Also, I see why they cut some of the earlier matches short. WCW needed time for this and the main events. And it didn’t even increase their PPV numbers because they barely promoted this. So was it worth what they paid for it? (On a side note, WCW didn’t promote James’ appearance because he was notoriously flaky about things like this. They didn’t know until the last second if he would show up.)

Next, Gene interviews Scott Hall. Gene says if James Brown was in Hall’s position, he would say it’s showtime. Hall asks which position Gene means. Is he talking about being in time out? Hall says when he broke into wrestling, it wasn’t a popularity contest. You didn’t have to be friends with the booker if you could go in the ring. Scott Hall can go, and Jarrett and Sid will learn this. Then when he wins the belt, do you know where he will put it? Gene asks where, so Hall says down here and points at his crotch.

After a recap, Gene interviews Ric Flair about his Death Match against Terry Funk. Flair says he lived, bled, sweat, and survived. And this won’t change in San Francisco tonight! He owns Frisco and Terry Funk because he is the greatest wrestler of all time. Flair doesn’t like death matches, but he is the dirtiest player in the game. When Funk wakes up tomorrow, he will look in the mirror and say Flair kicked his ass. With that said, Gene predicts a barn-burner, but Flair says it’s more than that. Two men will enter, but one will walk out.

During the entrances, Tenay explains the rules. After a pin or submission, the competitors have to answer a ten count or they lose. And unlike previous death matches, there won’t be a 30-second rest period. Meanwhile, Tony tells viewers they can send in their cable bill for a free WCW collector’s teddy bear!

Death Match: Ric Flair vs. Terry Funk (w/ Dustin Rhodes)

Storyline: Nash put a $15,000 bounty on Terry Funk, so Terry brought Ric Flair back as backup. However, Ric didn’t do it for Funk. He said Terry dropped the ball against Nash, and Ric had to clean up his mess. Worse yet, Flair was also angry at WCW for ranking Hogan higher than him in their magazine. In response, Funk said Foley was right about Ric in his book. Plus, Funk wanted an I Quit Match with Ric, but he got David instead. So Funk gave David multiple piledrivers on the floor and a table. He dared Ric to come save his son, but Ric left David to his fate. Ric’s callousness toward David angered Arn Anderson and Dustin Rhodes. When they sided with Funk, Flair found his own ally. He paired with Luger and told him to break Funk’s arm. In return, Ric helped Luger attack Hogan.

The Match: After exchanging strikes, Terry uses a spinning toe hold. Then he takes Flair outside for multiple suplexes on the floor. This earns the first pin, but Flair rises at five. Now Flair takes control and attacks Funk’s bad knees with a chair. He makes Terry submit in a Figure Four only for Funk to reach his feet. Next, they fight outside, where Funk gives Ric piledrivers on the floor. When Ric recovers again, Funk gets a table and threatens to break Ric’s neck. He piledrives Flair through the table, but Terry pulls him up from a pin. He isn’t done. Terry grabs a second table, but it backfires. Ric slams Terry on it, and both men struggle to stand. Ric makes it, but Terry doesn’t. So Flair wins.

Thoughts: There were some good moments and storytelling in this, but I hate the stipulation. I can only call this decent. Doing a ten count after a pin or submission kills the momentum of the action. But at least they dropped the stupid thirty-second rest period. Those made even less sense. If you can knock your opponent out for forty seconds in a Death Match, you’ll look weak when you can no longer do so in regular matches afterward.

Winner: Ric Flair (15:40)

We get another shot of the private locker room, but the door is still closed.

Afterward, Gene interviews Hulk Hogan with Jimmy Hart. Gene says Luger went on a tear and broke their arms. So Hogan jokes this was the break he was looking for. Luger used Liz as bait and snapped, crackled, and popped people’s arms. Now Hogan wants Jimmy to witness Hulk Hogan’s revenge. He asks Gene what people will think when he snaps Luger’s arm. Gene says it will take their breath away. With that said, Hogan threatens to snap Liz in half and feed her to Luger. (WTF, Hogan?) And when this happens, he will transition from Hulk to Hollywood Hogan. It’s a dog-eat-dog world, and Hogan will eat Luger alive!

This leads to Buffer’s introduction. Buffer infuriates Madden because he interrupted him again! (Mark threatened to kick Buffer’s ass on Nitro.) As Mark says this, Buffer debuts a new catchphrase. He says, “Let’s bring them on!” Luger arrives with his personalized chair, and he attacks Hogan when Hulk appears.

Hulk Hogan vs. The Total Package (w/ Elizabeth)

Storyline: Luger continued taunting Sting. He even made a personalized chair with Sting’s logo on it. Luger used it to break people’s arms. As Luger went on his rampage, someone dressed as Sting taunted him from the shadows. Meanwhile, Luger made a mistake. He claimed his accomplishments in wrestling eclipsed everyone, including Hulk Hogan. This led to Hogan’s return. So Luger added Hogan’s logo to the chair and vowed to break Hulk’s arm. Later, Lex tried and failed to break Buff Bagwell and Terry Funk’s arms. However, he injured Jimmy Hart, Knobs, Finlay, and Van Hammer. So Hogan sought revenge for Jimmy. Hogan also faced Ric Flair. It appeared Hogan ran Luger off afterward, but Lex ambushed Hogan and broke his arm. As a result, Hogan warned Luger he might awaken Hollywood Hogan again.

The Match: They exchange strikes, eye rakes, back rakes, and choking. Plus, Hogan uses a chair on Luger’s back and nails corner clotheslines. Next, they fight outside and whip each other into the rail. Back inside, Hogan keeps using his cast as a weapon, so Liz interferes. She hits Hogan with the bat and lures him outside for an ambush. Luger uses axehandles and a suplex, but Hogan hulks up and calls for his weight belt. Luger tries to stop it with a low blow, so Jimmy Hart hits Lex with his cast. This allows Hogan to do the same and land the leg drop for the win.

Thoughts: It wasn’t bad, and they kept it short. This was another Hogan’s greatest hits compilation, as most of his bouts were since returning to the red and yellow. The fans reacted well, and it was fine. The only gripe is Sting should have been the one to get the ultimate revenge on Luger. This started with him, so Hogan getting the honors diminishes any payback Sting might get.

Winner: Hulk Hogan (8:10)

After the bell, Hogan whips Luger with the weight belt until Flair appears. Ric clips Hogan’s knee while Luger fends off Jimmy Hart. Then Ric and Lex attack Hogan. They try to break Hogan’s other arm, so Sting arrives to save the day. He clears the ring with his bat and shakes Hogan’s hand.

Meanwhile, Sid, Hall, and Jarrett leave their locker rooms. This leads to a recap about the main event. Afterward, we see the mystery door opened, but no one knows who left the room. All we know is it wasn’t Sting.

Back in the arena, Buffer seems confused about his cue. Once he recovers, he introduces the main event. The US champ Jeff Jarrett is out first. (Nash handed the US belt back to Jarrett after becoming commissioner.) Tony calls him the favorite because of the Harris Brothers. Madden agrees because Jeff pinned Sid twice. When Hall reaches the ring, he brawls with Jarrett before Sid arrives.

3-Way Dance for the WCW Title: Sid Vicious (c) vs. Scott Hall vs. Jeff Jarrett (w/ The Harris Brothers)

Storyline: Acting commissioner Jarrett gave himself a WCW Title shot against Sid, and he bribed referee Slick Johnson. Then Jarrett booked Scott Hall vs. Sid. They hadn’t cleared Hall for action, but Jeff assured him it was fine. However, the committee changed Hall’s bout to a championship fight. Hall was supposed to soften up Sid, but he tried to win. So Jarrett clobbered Hall with the guitar. Afterward, Nash called in via satellite to admonish Jarrett for his actions. He added Hall to this title contest and made Jarrett wrestle Sid. Jarrett said it’s only fair to make it for the gold. They did it for Hall. The committee agreed, but they put Jeff’s US belt on the line instead. So Jeff attacked Terry Taylor. Later, Jarrett had enough of Nash when he banned the Harris Brothers. Jeff clocked Kevin with the guitar and knocked him out of his wheelchair.

The Match: Sid tries to fend off the Harris Brothers, but they trip him and crotch Sid on the post. Next, Jarrett targets Hall and they trade sleeper holds. This leads to a ref bump, so Nick Patrick takes over. While this happens, Sid chokeslams Hall and Jarrett, but the Harris Brothers pull Jeff to safety. Now everything devolves into chaos after Sid and Jeff fight with a chair. Jarrett has enough. He gives the next two refs the Stroke and calls for Slick Johnson. The problem is, Hall nails an Outsiders Edge as Slick arrives. So Johnson feigns an arm injury before the three. When Jeff recovers, he blasts Hall with a guitar. But Roddy Piper appears in a ref’s shirt! Piper takes out Slick and has a shoving match with Jarrett. It allows Sid to chokeslam Jeff and powerbomb Hall for the win.

Thoughts: This was an overbooked mess, and I don’t think it needed to be. These three could have done well without the shenanigans. Filling the fight with all the bells and whistles did them a disservice. It felt anticlimactic after a pretty good build on TV. (On a side note, say goodbye to Scott Hall. This is his last appearance in WCW. They let him go because of backstage issues and incidents. But this doesn’t stop them from name-dropping him in future storylines.)

Winner: Sid Vicious (7:40)

Madden can’t believe Sid won. He thought Jarrett had it, but Piper ruined those plans. Then Tony says Piper must have been the man behind the mystery door. He helped Sid win, and Sid will lead WCW into the new millennium!

The Good:

• Vampiro/Kidman was good.

The Bad:

• The main event was disappointing.

• The Skins Match.

• Big T vs. Booker.

• The Wall vs. The Demon.

• The first hour was dull.

Observations:

• WCW never explained what happened with Hogan at Halloween Havoc ‘99. Hogan made an off-hand comment about the writers ruining things, but that’s it.

• They had two street fights during the build for the Mamalukes vs. David & Crowbar. Then the PPV encounter was a Stretcher Match. The feud was gimmick overload.

• WWE Network still used “God of Thunder” for Demon’s theme on Nitro and Thunder, but they dubbed it on the PPV. I give up trying to understand the music issues.

• Sid started using a crossface after the Radicalz appeared on WWF TV. As Cole would say, “Is this symbolic?”

Performer of the Night:

I’m giving it to Vampiro and Kidman. They had a good match. Plus, the commentators put them over well.

Final Thoughts:

This was a terrible show. Even the few bright points were decent, at best. I rank this among the worst WCW PPVs I’ve reviewed. The first half felt lackluster and uninspired. And the rest ranged from terrible to disappointing. Nothing could save this.

Thank you for reading. My next review is the WWF’s No Way Out 2000. Look for it next Sunday. Also, have a merry Christmas and happy New Year.