WrestleMania 13

(All screen captures are the property of World Wrestling Entertainment)

WrestleMania 13

March 23, 1997

Rosemont Horizon

Chicago, Illinois (Rosemont)

News & Notes: Bret Hart defended his WWF title against Sid the night after Final Four. Stone Cold Steve Austin prevented the match from happening twice. Then he interfered to cost Bret the title. Sid was the new champion. The WWF announced The Undertaker was the #1 Contender. He would face Sid at WrestleMania. But Bret got his rematch first. It happened in a cage on the rechristened RAW is WAR. (This new direction included many aesthetic changes, like introducing the Titantron.) Bret lost after both Austin and The Undertaker interfered. (Taker didn’t want to lose his title shot if Sid lost. Austin wanted Bret to win, so their match was for the belt.) Bret had enough. He snapped. Hart shoved Vince McMahon when he asked if Bret was frustrated. Bret said, “Frustrated isn’t the goddamn word for it! This is bullshit!” Everyone in the back knew he was the best. And everyone screwed him. He wanted Austin at Mania and he’d get him.

They booked Hart vs. Austin in a Submission Match. But they also chose a special referee to help keep the peace. That man was UFC star, Ken Shamrock. It wasn’t Ken’s first foray into wrestling. He competed on the indie scene in the early 90s. But he rose to superstardom in UFC since then. Shamrock was one of UFC’s biggest draws in their early days. Signing him was a big deal for the WWF.

WrestleMania is a magical night of dreams and legends. But a tempest engulfs utopia! Anger and darkness fall over the event. Three determined young men take their fight to the streets. Two giants shed their noble armor and embrace their dark side. And two angry young men are destined to destroy each other. They will endure intolerable pain in a Submission Match. This should be a time of celebration. But none of these men are smiling. (Oh, great! Everyone lost their smile!)

Vince McMahon welcomes everyone to WrestleMania in what he calls Shuburban Chicago! (What’s a shuburban?) He talks about the international appeal of Mania while The Godwinns enter the arena. They shake hands with Vince, but they don’t offer the same to JR or Lawler. Vince then introduces the Spanish and French announcers.

During the entrances, they show footage of the original Blackjacks. Then Todd interviews the new version. He asks for their strategy. Windham says they will be victorious in the Blackjack tradition. And after that, they’ll be the next champions. Bradshaw follows that with yelling and fake laughing. He says, “Big guys line up. Little guys bunch up. Come get you some! Because the Blackjacks, HA HA, ride again!” (I bet Vince loves them. He appreciates a good fake laugh.)

Tag Team #1 Contender Elimination Match: The Headbangers vs. Furnas & Lafon vs. The Godwinns (w/ Hillbilly Jim) vs. The New Blackjacks

Notes: I introduced the two new teams in my Slammys review. Check it out to learn about them. Most of the build happened on Shotgun Saturday Night. It involved everyone attacking each other and interfering in matches. The winner receives a tag title shot on RAW. Poor Furnas & Lafon don’t get a graphic for their names. It’s clear they aren’t winning. (They show the Headbangers’ graphic again before realizing their mistake.)

The Match: Everyone brawls to start the bout. Bradshaw trades clotheslines with Henry Godwinn. He also gives Phineas a pumphandle slam. Then Thrasher fights with Phineas. But Phineas tags Mosh and makes him face his teammate. They mosh dance for a moment before tagging Lafon. Furnas & Lafon hand out suplexes and hurricanranas. Then they fight to the floor with the Blackjacks. Bradshaw loses his cool and decks the ref, so he disqualifies The Blackjacks. Furnas & Lafon are also counted out in the melee. (Eliminations: The Blackjacks and Furnas & Lafon)

Henry slams Phineas onto Thrasher. Phineas follows with a suplex, which makes Thrasher’s skirt fall over his head. Next, Henry and Thrasher have some awkward moments in the corner. Neither man knew what spot they were going for. The Godwinns regroup and double-team The Headbangers. Phineas and Thrasher spit on each other. Then they tumble outside, where Mosh nails a springboard clothesline. He also presses Thrasher onto Henry. But Thrasher misses a moonsault inside the ring. Phineas then tags and cleans house until Thrasher prevents a Slop Drop. The match becomes a brawl, so Mosh lands a Stage Dive for the win. (Final Elimination: The Godwinns)

Thoughts: This was a mess. They eliminated the two best teams early and in a lame fashion. The rest was uninteresting and awkward. It felt rushed, but that may be for the best. We’d never get a classic match from these four teams. But the odd booking didn’t give anyone a chance to shine. It was forgettable.

Winners: The Headbangers (10:39)

Next, they show a commercial for In Your House. (They can’t give the name. It’s a spoiler for the main event.) The narrator says it’s all about sportsmanship, comradery, and respect. But the soundbites say otherwise. The Undertaker, Bret Hart, Stone Cold, and Sid do some trash talking.

When they return, Honky Tonk Man is in the ring. Captain Lou Albano dances to Honky’s music while Arnold Skaaland looks embarrassed. Lawler invites Honky to join the commentary. JR says, “You guys are close. You’d think you’re cousins or something.” Honky then takes a headset and sings his song. He’s out of breath. The reason he’s there is to scout a new protégé. Honky wants his own mini-me. But it seems he’s ruled out Rocky Maivia. He’s quite angry toward him. Honky mocks Rocky’s sideburns.

Intercontinental Title Match: Rocky Maivia (c) vs. The Sultan (w/ Bob Backlund & The Iron Sheik)

Notes: The original plan was for Rocky to face Mero. They even started a build on TV. But Marc got injured. They hastily threw together this feud to replace it. (It’s fitting. Rocky and Fatu are related. Vince believed they’d work well together.) Backlund & Sheik challenged Rocky on The Sultan’s behalf. They outnumbered Rocky. But Maivia spotted his father’s old tag partner, Tony Atlas. Tony helped even the odds. They show him in the crowd during this match. Lawler admonishes him for chewing gum on camera. (They used Atlas because Rocky Johnson hadn’t committed to appearing yet. We’ll see if he turns up.)

The Match: The Sultan hits a shoulder block. But Rocky kips up and throws punches and clotheslines. The Sultan then pulls Rocky to the floor. They fight and Rocky collides with the post. The Sultan returns him to the ring and shoves Maivia around. He gives Rocky a backbreaker and a diving headbutt. Then Sultan slows the pace with nerve holds and chinlocks. It leads to a Rocky sucks chant. But Rocky rallies after a double clothesline spot. He does a little dance and makes a little—dropkick. Rocky follows with a belly-to-belly and a float over DDT. He even lands a flying crossbody, but The Sheik distracts the ref. This allows Sultan to nail a superkick. He then tries slamming Rocky, but Maivia turns it into a roll-up for the win.

Thoughts: This was basic and dull. Rocky is still limited. The build was weak. The only heat was fans chanting Rocky sucks. Plus, the finish was flat. When you add in Honky’s annoying commentary, it’s a bad mix. This show isn’t off to a good start.

Winner: Rocky Maivia (9:45)

JR gets a word with Rocky, but The Sultan attacks Maivia. He hits Rocky with the belt while Honky cheers them on. They roll Maivia into the ring and Sultan nails a flying splash. Sheik puts Rocky in a Camel Clutch and Sultan slaps him. But then Maivia’s dad Rocky Johnson slides into the ring! (Vince almost calls him a fan.) Johnson punches The Sultan. He retreats and grabs Sheik’s flag. Sultan uses it as a weapon and rips Johnson’s shirt. But Maivia stops the attack. He sends The Sultan out of the ring and grabs The Sheik. Both Rockys slam and punch him. Rocky then celebrates with his dad and they hug. Vince says no one expected Johnson to be there. (So nice of Tony Atlas to help. Thanks for coming, Tony.)

Todd is with Ken Shamrock. He shows Ken clips from RAW is WAR. Billy Gunn challenged Shamrock. But Ken put him in various submission holds. He says he made Billy squeal. (Oh, my!) Pettengill reminds Ken Bret and Stone Cold threatened to come after him. Ken claims he won’t be intimidated. He knows submissions. Ken then says, “I’m here as to be a referee.” (Well said, Ken.) He’ll raise the winner’s hand and he will not be intimidated!

Meanwhile, Dok is with Hunter Hearst Helmsley and Chyna. Hendrix asks for clarification about Hunter’s relationship with Chyna. Hunter tells him it’s none of his business. They’re in Chicago. It’s WrestleMania, baby! Dok then asks if Hunter can take Goldust straight up. Hunter replies he can take Goldust any way he wants. (Oh, my—again!) But the real loser will be Marlena. She had her chance and blew it. Hunter says her talent better be running with Chyna around.

Hunter Hearst Helmsley (w/ Chyna) vs. Goldust (w/ Marlena)

Notes: At Final Four, a muscular woman attacked Marlena. She attacked her again on RAW. Hunter then revealed this was his new bodyguard, Chyna. It’s implied there’s more to the relationship. But they kept it ambiguous. The two were dating in real life. Chyna is a former bodybuilder named Joanie Laurer. Killer Kowalski trained her, as he did Hunter. Both Hunter and Kowalski recommended her to Vince. He was hesitant until he heard WCW wanted her. They recruited Laurer to be a member of the nWo. But she signed with the WWF. Vince calls her a monstrous Amazonian. Lawler thinks she was breastfed by her father. (They’re so nice toward her.)

The Match: Goldust controls the match early with clotheslines, punches, and kicks. He spits at Chyna and kisses Hunter. Then he ties Helmsley in the ropes and gives him more punches and kicks. This continues until Hunter drops Goldust onto the apron from the top rope. Hunter then unzips Goldust’s suit and chops him. He wears down Goldust with neckbreakers and holds while taunting Marlena. Hunter also uses a suplex, a knee drop, and a DDT. Goldust answers with pin attempts and an old-fashioned keister clobber! He catches Hunter with it when Helmsley tries an axehandle. This allows Goldust to whip Hunter around the ring and nail a bulldog. He then attempts the Curtain Call twice. However, Goldust spots Chyna threatening Marlena. He pulls her to safety, but Hunter knocks Goldust into his wife. Marlena falls into Chyna’s arms and she ragdolls her. Hunter nails The Pedigree for the victory.

Thoughts: The bout started and finished hot, but the middle dragged. It wasn’t bad. However, it was dull. There were parts I liked. The keister clobber got a chuckle from me. The finish was also good. But the match fell flat.

Winner: Hunter Hearst Helmsley (14:28)

Marlena is in pain, so Goldust consoles her. He lifts her into his arms and falls to his knees. Goldust looks distraught. Lawler claims Marlena jumped into Chyna’s arms. He thinks she brought it on herself. Goldust then carries Marlena to the back for medical help.

Meanwhile, Shawn Michaels is in the AOL room. He looks perplexed by the laptop he’s using. Vince has a hearty laugh at the scene.

During Owen & Bulldog’s entrance, JR gets a word with the tag champs. He stirs the pot. Ross asks if Bulldog was offended when Owen said he was smarter. Owen calls Ross a cowboy wannabe and tells him to stop causing problems. Bulldog says they’re the champs. He has two belts. Owen has two Slammys! Ross asks who’s the leader of the team. Owen replies, “I’m the leader! Leave us alone!”

Tag Team Title Match: Owen Hart & The British Bulldog (c) vs. Vader & Mankind (w/ Paul Bearer)

Notes: Tensions are reaching a breaking point. Bulldog fired Clarence Mason because Mason focused his attention on the Nation. Owen took exception to this. Then Bulldog defeated Owen in the finals of a tournament for the new European Championship. (They held this tourney during a European tour. The finals took place in Germany.) Jim Ross didn’t help matters. He stirred trouble every time he interviewed them. But they must coexist to face the team of Vader & Mankind.

Vader & Mankind teamed after Mick Foley pitched an idea to Vince. Foley wanted to rekindle his feud with Vader from WCW. Vince liked the potential. However, he wanted them to team first. It would lead to an eventual split and a feud. (That doesn’t happen.) Also, Mick dealt with back issues around this time. Tag team matches helped ease that.

The Match: Vader attacks Owen with punches, headbutts, slams, and a powerbomb. Owen uses heel kicks, but they aren’t enough. The match then becomes a brawl when Bulldog prevents a Vader Bomb. Davey suplexes both Mankind & Vader. But Vader low-bridges him and hits Bulldog with the urn. (Bearer is delighted.) Vader & Mankind then control the bout with avalanche attacks, a running knee, and an apron leg drop. Bulldog catches Vader in a slam. And Owen lands a missile dropkick and a flying crossbody. But Vader & Mankind respond with the old Demolition Decapitation on the floor! Then they beat up Owen in front of his parents. (Lawler is gleeful when he sees Helen Hart.) Owen rallies with heel kicks and a belly-to-belly. He tags Bulldog, who tries a running powerslam on Mankind. It’s reversed into a Mandible Claw. Vader also nails Owen, which sends him crashing into Mankind and Davey. They tumble to the floor and Mankind reapplies the claw. But it leads to a double count out.

Thoughts: This was a good hard-hitting match until that lame finish. It was on its way to being the best match so far. I liked the action and the story. Lawler’s commentary was great once he spotted Helen & Stu Hart. But that ending brought it down a notch. I don’t get why they did that. The feud doesn’t continue.

Winners: Double Count Out (16:08)

Mankind won’t release the claw. Owen tries stopping him, but Vader attacks. Vader tells Mankind to kill him. But he ends up pulling Mankind off him by the hair. Vader & Mankind hug while Owen looks concerned for his partner.

Then they recap the Stone Cold/Bret Hart feud. Todd narrates the video. He does it in a second-person perspective, which is odd. Todd asks us to imagine we’re Bret Hart. You established a legacy, but nothing is the same. There is no friends and no respect. Everyone has changed, and it’s because of Steve Austin. He gained fame by attacking you physically and verbally. He mocks your legacy and spews forth his rhetoric! His followers sing his praises. It caused you to snap! Your ego is your enemy. What happened to you!? Now, you have to make Austin beg for mercy. But what happens to Bret Hart if he loses? (Thanks for making me feel bad, Todd. That was depressing.)

Submission Match: Bret Hart vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin

Notes: Shamrock is already in the ring. He wears a sleeveless referee shirt. It looks painted on. Jim Ross calls Ken the most dangerous man in the world. Then Austin enters the arena. A glass partition with Austin 3:16 on it shatters. Austin steps over the broken glass. (It’s an awesome visual.) He then gets in Shamrock’s face. Meanwhile, Bret arrives to a mixed reaction. He gives away his sunglasses and enters the ring. Austin tackles him.

The Match: They brawl into the crowd. Austin throws a drink at Bret and tries piledriving him. Bret reverses it into a backdrop on the concrete steps! Then they return to the ring and Austin uses the ring steps as a weapon. Bret fights back and attacks Austin’s knee. Stone Cold uses The Stunner to buy himself a break. But Bret continues targeting the leg. He puts Austin in a ring post Figure Four. Next, Bret grabs a chair and the ring bell. He tries to Pillmanize Steve. But Austin whacks Bret with the chair. (They show Bret’s daughter crying at the violence. Lawler mocks her.) Austin then uses various submissions, including a Sharpshooter! Bret blocks it. The fight spills outside again and Bret whips Austin into the rail. He comes up bloody.

Bret rams Austin into the post and the steps. He punches the cut and uses the chair on Stone Cold’s leg. Austin counters with a low-blow and a superplex. Then Steve chokes Bret with some cable. Bret breaks it with a ring bell to the head. He then places Austin in the Sharpshooter. Steve struggles while blood pours down his face. It drips into his mouth as he cries out in pain. Stone Cold almost breaks the Sharpshooter. But Bret sits back down. Shamrock says he’ll stop the match if Austin doesn’t respond. Stone Cold is unconscious, so Ken calls for the bell.

Thoughts: What can I say about this that hasn’t already been said? It’s amazing. This is storytelling at its finest. The visuals of Austin’s bloody face are iconic. Even in defeat, Austin looked strong. This bout cemented Austin as the next big star. It also turned him face and Bret Hart heel. It’s a perfect double-turn.

Winner: Bret Hart (22:05)

Bret celebrates, but he isn’t done. He attacks Austin again. Shamrock tells him to stop, but Bret ignores him. Shamrock then waistlocks Bret to the mat and dares him to fight. Bret decides against it and leaves. He flips off a few fans on the way out. The officials try helping Austin, so Stone Cold gives one a Stunner. He refuses aid and limps to the back on his own. The fans applaud him.

Todd is with Faarooq and The Nation. Pettengill lists the various weapons they have. He says they have everything but the kitchen sink. Faarooq tells Todd he forgot the thugs. The crooks and criminals are out tonight in Chicago. Faarooq then says that punk colored boy Ahmed Johnson is going down tonight. (Those are his words. Not mine! Don’t get mad at me.) He finishes the promo by saying, “You think I don’t have the kitchen sink. But just wait and see!”

Chicago Street Fight: Ahmed Johnson & The Legion of Doom vs. Faarooq, Crush, & Savio Vega (w/ The Nation of Domination)

Notes: They settled nothing at the Rumble, so Faarooq challenged Ahmed to a Chicago Street Fight. Ahmed knew it wouldn’t be one-on-one. He chose some backup. The Legion of Doom returned to the WWF a week prior. They saved Taker from a Nation beating. It must have impressed Johnson. He chose them as his partners. The Street Fight became a six-man tag. During the entrances, Ahmed wears LOD shoulder spikes. (He kept them, much to LOD’s chagrin.) Also, Ahmed’s team brings a kitchen sink. (I guess Faarooq saw him carrying it backstage.)

The Match: Everyone brawls, including the Nation’s entourage. Clarence Mason gets slammed while the fight spills into the aisle. A young Colt Cabana pats Hawk on the back. (Yes, I’m serious.) Then Ahmed gives Crush a somersault plancha over the railing. He also dives back over it. Meanwhile, Hawk swings a 2×4. It bounces off the ropes, and he catches it! While this happens, Animal tries piledriving Faarooq on a table. They tumble over to the floor. Next, Hawk places a trash can on Savio and punches it. (Someone watched Uncensored.)

Animal sprays a powder fire extinguisher. It creates a mess and gives JR a coughing fit. Outside the ring, Ahmed slams Faarooq onto the French announce table. Then both teams exchange trash can shots. The Nation then use a noose to choke Ahmed. (That’s a bit tasteless.) Hawk stops it with a double clothesline. But they use the noose on him next. Hawk fights it and pulls Faarooq to the floor. Ahmed gets revenge with the noose and nails a spinebuster. Then the LOD hits a Doomsday Device on Crush. They follow that with a 2×4 shot and get the victory.

Thoughts: This was chaos, but it was good fun. It was what the Tornado Match at Uncensored should have been. They had enough fun spots and unique weapons to keep it interesting. Plus, the crowd was hot for it. They also kept it the right length. It didn’t overstay its welcome. This was a good comedown after the intensity of the previous bout.

Winners: Ahmed & The Legion of Doom (10:45)

The Nation attacks, so Ahmed gives D’Lo a Pearl River Plunge. Then LOD and Ahmed hit a double Doomsday Device on PG-13. It looked like they killed JC Ice and Wolfie D. The Nation leaves, so Ahmed’s team celebrates. Then they show the In Your House commercial again.

After the commercial, Shawn Michaels arrives. He poses and high-fives fans long enough for his music to loop. Lawler doesn’t understand why Shawn is there. He isn’t wrestling. Shawn makes smug faces, which makes Lawler more annoyed. He will join the commentary, much to Jerry’s chagrin. Vince says there’s a love-fest in the arena. He also says, “You talk about a ham! You’re talking about pure prime pork when it comes to Shawn Michaels!” Shawn then flashes a Kliq hand sign at the camera.

Next, Todd interviews Sycho Sid. It could be the most important night of Sid’s career. Sid agrees. He says, “WrestleMania is the biggest event of the yur—world!” (Sid.exe has stopped working.) Then Sid whispers. He says darkness has fallen and everyone is scared, except him. Sid’s not afraid because he’s the master and ruler of the world. (Other than the slip-up, it wasn’t a bad promo. Poor Sid. This happens to him more than most.)

No DQ Match for the WWF Title: The Undertaker vs. Sycho Sid (c)

Notes: Before the match, Bret Hart interrupts. He calls Michaels a phony. Bret tells him to take his pussyfoot injury and go find his smile. Then Bret turns to Taker. He says slamming the cage door on his head slammed the door on their friendship. Next, Bret calls Sid a fraud. That belt belongs to Hart and Sid knows it. Sid has enough. He punches Bret and gives him a powerbomb. Sid then tells Bret to get his whining ass out of there. He’ll kick Bret’s ass after he’s done with Taker. This leads to Taker attacking Sid. (Also, I should point out Taker’s outfit. He wears his classic black and gray costume. JR says it’s what he wore at his first Mania. It isn’t. Taker still had the darker charcoal-colored gloves at Mania VII. They also mention Taker hasn’t lost at Mania. Is this the first mention of the streak?)

The Match: Taker controls the bout with punches, boots, a corner splash, and Old School. But Sid slows the pace with multiple bear hugs and a Camel Clutch. They fight to the floor twice. Sid drops Taker on the rail and slams him on the Spanish announce table. But he keeps returning to the rest holds. Even Taker gets in on that action. He uses a nerve claw. Then both men go down to a double big boot. Sid follows with diving axehandles until Taker punches him. This allows Taker to nail a flying clothesline. He then tries a Tombstone, but Sid reverses into one of his own! Taker kicks out.

Then they head to the floor again and Bret Hart returns. He nails Sid with a chair. The officials drag Bret away while Taker rams Sid into the post. He then chokeslams Sid and gets a two! But Taker misses another jumping clothesline. Sid attempts a powerbomb. But Bret Hart is back again! Sid meets him at the ropes and Bret gives Sid a hotshot. It allows Taker to land a Tombstone for the win.

Thoughts: This was a dull match. It consisted of too many rest holds. They wrestled Sid’s slow pace. The Bret Hart stuff was interesting. But it didn’t help this. The bout should have been at least five minutes shorter. The Diesel/Taker match last year showed how to do a big man encounter. This did the opposite. What a disappointing main event.

Winner: The Undertaker (New Champion) (21:19)

Taker celebrates with his belt. He points into the crowd to tell the fans it’s for them. You can hear Shawn Michaels applauding Taker. Michaels says they’re in for a wild ride. He wants to be a part of it. Vince says Taker is finally WWF champion again. Taker does his signature pose while holding the belt.

The Good:

• Bret/Austin was amazing.

• The Street Fight was good fun.

• Most of the tag title match was good.

The Bad:

• The main event was dull and disappointing.

• The first hour of the show was lackluster.

• Many of the matches didn’t have much of a build.

Performer of the Night:

I’m giving it to Stone Cold Steve Austin. This was the night that pushed him to another level. Bret deserves a mention too. But Austin is my choice. Both men did an incredible job.

Final Thoughts:

I’d almost call this a one-match show. But I also enjoyed the Street Fight. We’ll go with a one and a half match show. It wasn’t terrible. This is by no means the worst Mania. But it was disappointing. It once again highlights the weakness of the undercard. The main event scene is fine. Everything else needs work.

Thank you for reading. My next review is WCW’s Spring Stampede ’97. Look for it next Sunday and have a Merry Christmas!