Starrcade ’85

(All screen captures are the property of World Wrestling Entertainment)

Starrcade

November 28, 1985 (Thanksgiving)

Greensboro Coliseum & The Omni

Greensboro, NC & Atlanta, GA

What’s this? Two venues? It’s double the pleasure and double the fun! At least, we hope so after that last Starrcade review. This is the first Starrcade to take place after WrestleMania 1, so Jim Crockett saw the need to up the ante. The WWF would answer back by holding WrestleMania 2 in 3 venues. Let’s consider ourselves lucky that this did not continue escalating from there. So, let’s begin. Uh oh, um, I need an adult.

Wait, I am an adult. This was rated TV-MA on the network. I would assume that it’s because this event is drenched in blood, but part of me thinks it’s because of Ronnie Garvin’s choice of attire for the night (More on that later). We get a proper opening this year, with a graphic and some very 80s sounding generic rock. We then cut to Tony Schiavone, who has finally graduated to the commentary desk, and Bob Caudle. There sadly is no Gordon Solie tonight. Does anyone know why he wasn’t on this show? Tony wishes everyone a happy Thanksgiving and then throws it to Johnny Weaver, who is backstage in Greensboro.

Johnny tells us that it will be a great night of action and that he will be interviewing the wrestlers throughout the night. He doesn’t call it a unique look, but he does seem rather distracted by something off-screen. His eyes keep darting back and forth. Maybe Garvin just walked by. We then go back to Tony and Bob, who talks a little about the major matches, before going to Tom Miller for our first match. Wait, oh no, Miller has shaved off his beard!!

I shed a single tear for the loss of his glorious facial hair. It was a good look for him. He should have kept it.

NWA Mid-Atlantic Title Match: Krusher Khruschev vs. Sam Houston

You will notice that I didn’t put a (c) to denote who is champion. That is because the title was being held by that plucky veteran Vacant, at the time. Krusher was there to repossess the title. Wait no, I’m getting ahead of myself. He was there to SMASH his competition. Wait, that’s not it either. Bully? Nah, he wouldn’t do that. He was…going to play some golf? Oh, I give up. He is there to face Sam Houston, who is the half-brother of Jake the Snake Roberts. The ref is also in the ring and appears to be doing some April O’Neil cosplay, as he is wearing a blindingly bright yellow jumpsuit.

Krusher shows off his power to start, by shoving Sam into the corner a few times, but Sam uses his quickness to frustrate him. Krusher has some power moves, but he doesn’t do them with much intensity. After some back and forth, we go into a long head-scissors sequence that doesn’t want to end. This leads to some more holds and a funny moment, where Krusher is in an arm bar and yells, “AHHHHHHH NO NO NO NO NO NO!”

Krusher fights his way out and press slams Sam high into the air, before letting him drop to the mat. He then does a bear hug, but it thankfully doesn’t last long. Sam eventually gets a running bulldog and makes a cover, but Krusher manages to get his foot on the rope. Sam thinks that he has won and begins celebrating, only to turn around and get laid out by The Sickle (running lariat). Krusher gets a 3 count for the win. Sam got a foot on the rope, but Krusher pulled it back before the ref could see it.

It was decent enough, but both men were clearly very green. There were times where they seemed a bit lost on what to do next. I liked the ending though. On a side note, what was up with the commentary during the match? There were long pauses and it felt like there was audio missing.

Winner: Krusher Khruschev (New Champion)

Mexican Death Match: Manny Fernandez vs. Abdullah the Butcher w/ Paul Jones

We head to the Omni in Atlanta, and Holy time traveling Vince Russo, who booked this? We have a Mexican Death Match, where the object is to retrieve a sombrero from a pole. If that wasn’t bad enough, Manny’s finisher is called “The Flying Burrito”. I wish I was joking about all of that, but I’m completely serious. Before I get into the match, I have to point out that the ring announcer looks familiar. Where have I seen him before?

Hmm, it’s a mystery. Oh well, on with the match.

Abby jumps Manny to start and immediately goes to the foreign objects. He hits him with his usual spike and even uses the ring-bell hammer to bust open Manny. The commentators are quiet again. I’m guessing they are having technical difficulties. Manny manages to monkey flip Abby, and the commentators finally speak up to say that no one has done that before. I believe it. Manny takes off one of his boots and manages to bust open Abby with the heel. The two men are brawling and bleeding and Paul Jones reminds Abby that he’s supposed to be going for the hat.

Manny continues his mid-match disrobing, by taking off his belt and whipping Abby with it. At one point Abby spat out what I thought was mist, but it was actually blood that had dripped down into his mouth. Both men are clearly gassed within a few minutes, but Manny manages to impressively suplex Abby. Manny tries for the sombrero, but Abby hits him right in the crotch with an object. He then hits Manny with some headbutts, but Manny fights back to hit him with a burrito…no, I mean the Flying Burrito. Abby fights back and misses a charge into the corner, before falling out of the ring. This allows Manny to run up and grab the sombrero, for the win.

This was surprisingly better than I expected it to be. That’s not to say that it was great, but they did enough to keep it interesting. It was incredibly bloody, and knowing what’s coming later, this might start to become excessive.

Winner: Manny Fernandez

Back in Greensboro, Weaver is with Krusher Khruschev. Johnny congratulates him on his win and Krusher proceeds to cut a promo in a perfectly normal American accent. Come on man! At least try to sound Russian! It’s 80s wrestling. No one will care if it sounds hokey. Krusher thanks the Koloffs and his “motherland” of Russia. He says that he can go anywhere in the world and defend his title because Russians are superior athletes. Weaver then brings up the Koloffs’ cage match later, which he calls a “fence match”. Krusher will be in their corner later and he says that the Koloffs will put the Rock n’ Roll Express out of commission. Weaver then goes back to the earlier match and says that Krusher has to give Sam Houston credit, to which Krusher agrees. Come on, that’s not very heelish.

Texas Bull-Rope Match: Ron Bass vs. Black Bart w/ J.J. Dillon

Both men are billed as being from Texas, but neither is listed from a specific city. The announcer tells us that, if Bass wins, he gets another 5-minute Bull-Rope match with J.J. Dillon. I notice that J.J. is, for some reason, wearing a tuxedo t-shirt. The two men are attached, by the wrist, to either end of a long rope, with a cowbell in the middle.

We get a tug-of-war to start before Bass quickly notices that Bart has a fever and begins liberally applying cowbell to his forehead. Bart is busted open quickly and gets choked with the rope. Bass keeps taunting J.J., but this allows Bart to get a low blow. Commentary is still having issues and sadly it will continue all night. Bart uses the cowbell to bust open Bass and the match devolves into two men bludgeoning each other with a cowbell and choking each other with a rope. Sadly, there’s not much more to say than that. Both men are soon bleeding badly and sucking wind. Bass eventually wins with a jumping cowbell to Bart’s head, from the second turnbuckle.

This was boring, slow, and repetitive. It was just two men hitting each other with a cowbell and a rope.

Winner: Ron Bass

Texas Bull-Rope Match: J.J. Dillon w/ Black Bart vs. Ron Bass

J.J. is in the before the bell can even ring to end the previous match. He takes off his shirt. This was nauseating enough without him doing that. J.J. immediately goes for the cut on Bass’ head and starts trying to make it worse. He chokes Bass with the rope, while the fans try to rally Ron back into the match. Bass eventually hulks up and J.J. tries to beg for mercy. He tries to run, but Bass yanks him back down to the mat and starts nailing him with the cowbell. Now, even J.J. is bleeding. At one point, Bass accidentally hits the ref with the bell, which allows Black Bart to come in and hit a piledriver on Bass. He rolls J.J. on top of him and the ref recovers enough to make a 3 count.

Well, at least it was short.

Winner: J.J. Dillon

Arm Wrestling Match: Superstar Billy Graham vs. The Barbarian w/ Paul Jones

We go back to Atlanta, for another double-header of nonsense. This time, we have an arm wrestling match, which will be followed by a normal match. Billy Graham comes out to a knock-off version of “The Final Countdown” and he looks much more like the Billy we will see in the WWF in 1988. He has bulked up again and has his bleached mustache, with a black goatee, that Scott Steiner would later copy. We are told that the winner of the arm wrestling match will get $10,000. We then see that Barbarian has his right hand in a cast and Billy threatens to break the other arm.

The two men sit down at a small table and Barbarian insists on using his left hand, due to the cast. The commentators try to sell this as Barbarian not understanding arm wrestling, despite the fact that he has a legitimate reason. They even try to further sell this idea, when Barbarian places his right hand on top for just a moment. “He’s trying to use both hands,” Tony said. Are they trying to paint Barbarian as not very bright? The match starts and both men fight for control until they end up coming out of their chairs. It goes back and forth at least 3 times before Graham finally manages to win. I was going to comment on how an arm wrestling match went off without anyone getting jumped, but Paul Jones immediately whacks Billy with his cane.

For an arm wrestling match, it was about what you would expect. They kept it short enough and the back and forth tension was good. It served its purpose.

Winner: Superstar Billy Graham

Superstar Billy Graham vs. The Barbarian w/ Paul Jones

We go straight into the match, after the attack. Billy is quickly bleeding from the cane shots and Barbarian’s cast. Barbarian rips at the cut and Billy’s face for awhile. I can’t tell if Billy is selling his injuries or he simply can’t move that well anymore, because he is slow and awkward. He takes control after Barbarian misses a flying headbutt and slaps on a bear hug (oh joy). He holds this for a while, until Paul Jones has had enough and runs in to hit Billy with his cane, for the DQ. After the match, Billy gets the cane and hits Jones, but Barbarian knocks him out of the ring. He runs Billy into the post and Billy takes a spill over the guardrail, but the ref manages to step in and stop the attack.

It wasn’t much of a match. Graham looks like he shouldn’t be wrestling still, as he is not moving very well in the ring.

Winner: Superstar Billy Graham (by DQ)

NWA National Title Match: Buddy Landell w/ J.J. Dillon vs. Terry Taylor (c)

We head back to Greensboro, where we have Dollar Store Ric Flair vs. The Red Rooster, for the National Title! I think it’s funny that J.J. Dillon is managing Landell, considering who he will be managing soon enough. The commentators point out that J.J. is still in the back, receiving attention to his cut, but he will be out shortly. Before the match, Buddy does some grandstanding, but Terry is having none of it and gets in his face.

They lock up and jockey for control, until Terry ends up slapping the taste out of Buddy’s mouth. Buddy manages to take control and takes it to the mat for some holds, but he backs off any time Terry shows signs of getting aggressive. Both men have some great working punches, but the rest holds seem a bit lackadaisical. After some more back and forth, Buddy takes control by absolutely clocking Terry with a forearm to the head. At this point, J.J. Dillon arrives, with his head bandaged, and encourages Buddy.

Terry manages to regain control, by powering out of a rear chin-lock and sending Buddy headfirst into the turnbuckles. He then goes to slam his head into the turnbuckles, but the ref admonishes him. Buddy uses this opening to push Terry into the ref a couple of times. J.J. then takes off one of his shoes and gets on the apron, but Terry reverses Buddy into the shoe. He then goes for his superplex, but J.J. reaches in and hooks his leg as they come off the top, in what was a dangerous looking spot. Buddy falls on top of Terry and J.J. holds the leg, while Buddy gets a 3 count and the title.

This match had shades of some pretty decent stuff, but it never really got any momentum. However, the ending was good.

Winner: Buddy Landell (New Champion)

“Hi, Billy Jack Haynes here! Do you have a problem with pesky Andersons in your wrestling ring? Well, you need new Ole Clean! Now with hard chopping Wahoo power! This stuff is guaranteed to chop the competition right out of the NWA, or your money back!”

NWA National Tag Team Title Match: The Minnesota Wrecking Crew (Ole & Arn) (c) vs. Wahoo McDaniel & Billy Jack Haynes

Back to Atlanta again, for the first of two tag team title matches. During the announcements, I noticed that Wahoo & Haynes are U.S. Tag Champs. That’s three different tag titles on the same show. It’s kind of overkill. The U.S. Tag Titles are not on the line, but the National Titles are (What exactly is the difference between U.S. and National titles?). Before the match, I noted that Billy needs to change his name to “Billy JACKED Haynes” because he is ripped!

We get some back and forth to start. There’s a fun little spot, where Arn does a leap-frog and gives the camera the finger guns gesture, before turning around and getting press slammed by Haynes. He tags out to Ole, who gets in a shoving match with Haynes, before getting punched down to the mat. Wahoo comes in and starts beating on him, so he tans back out to Arn. I have to take back what I said, a couple of reviews ago, Wahoo’s chops are pretty damn hard looking. The Andersons take control and it looks like Wahoo communicates his spots through Morse Code, by slapping on Arn’s thigh.

The Andersons take turns working on Wahoo’s arm and the commentators say it’s to take away the chop, which is a good little story to tell in the match. Haynes does a great job on the outside in firing up the crowd, while the Andersons keep a fresh man in the ring through frequent tags. Wahoo manages to eventually fight out and rolls to his corner for a tag. Billy is in like a house of fire and hits a double noggin’ knocker. Wahoo comes back in and hits the Tomahawk Chop, but Ole breaks up the count. The end comes when Ole trips Wahoo up a couple of times and holds his foot, while Arn makes the pin for a 3 count.

It was a decent match, but kind of short. There was some great tag team work from the Andersons and the match never lost my attention. It was fun while it lasted.

Winners: The Wrecking Crew

Back in Greensboro, Johnny Weaver tells us there will be a 15-minute intermission. On the network, it simply fades out and then fades back in for an interview segment with J.J. Dillon and Buddy Landell. Weaver says that both men had big victories tonight. Dillon says it’s the greatest night in his career. He says that he thought Bart would win and he took a beating from Bass that he hopes he won’t take again. J.J. then talks about his win and calls himself the uncrowned bull-rope champion.

Buddy talks next and says that J.J. turned his career around. He says that he’s been watching Blanchard, Flair, and The Andersons and modeled his career after them. Buddy then says that everyone can run their mouth, but now that he has the belt, he can look at himself in the mirror and call himself a champion. He then quotes Flair, by saying, “I said it!” The poor sap. He doesn’t know that soon J.J. Dillon will be managing the Four Horsemen and he won’t be invited.

I Quit Cage Match for the U.S. Title: Magnum T.A. vs. Tully Blanchard (c) w/ Baby Doll

Up next is the highlight of the night. I had already seen this match a few times, but I enjoy coming back to watch this one. Blanchard makes his way to the ring, through a smoke-filled entryway, to an awesome sounding theme. He is accompanied by his “Perfect 10” Baby Doll. Magnum is already in the ring, which annoyed me, as I wanted to see his entrance too. The commentators talk about how it will be degrading for either man to have to say “I quit”.

The match starts with a power struggle that takes both men to the mat, where they scratch and claw for control. They end up punching it out, with Magnum getting the upper hand. Baby Doll is on the outside screeching loudly. She reminds me a lot of Sensational Sherri. Tully gets control and slams Magnum head first into the cage. He comes up with two cuts along his forehead. Tully gets the mic and asks if Magnum quits. The two fight back and forth, until Tully is bleeding from the arm, and Magnum rips at the cut. Tully yells “Oh shit”, but it gets bleeped. Whenever Magnum asks Tully if he wants to quit, he holds the mic at crotch level, so as to look suggestive. Tully, on the other hand, looks like he wants to shove the mic down Magnum’s throat…oh god, what did I just say?

He starts hitting Magnum in the head with the mic, which makes a great sound over the speakers. In what is the only slip-up of the match, Tully does go for a cover for just a second, before remembering. The two men fight back and forth and scream “HELL NO” into the mic. Tully becomes frustrated and pushes the ref down. Baby Doll takes the opening to chuck a wooden chair into the ring, which Tully smashes on the mat. He then grabs a chunk of wood from the wreckage and tries to stab Magnum in the forehead with it. There’s a great struggle, as Tully comes perilously close to stabbing him before Magnum knees him in the side a few times. Magnum takes the wooden spike and actually does stab Tully in the forehead with it, and Tully screams “Yes” over and over, to end the match.

What can I say? This match was simply beautiful violence. It built and built to a brutal crescendo. It told an amazingly intense story and is probably the best I Quit match in wrestling history. Go watch this match!!

Winner: Magnum T.A. (New Champion)

Atlanta Street Fight: Jimmy Valiant & Miss Atlanta Lively w/ Big Mama vs. The Midnight Express w/ Jim Cornette

After that masterpiece of a match, we go back to Atlanta for…oh what the hell is this!? This is not what I wanted for my first time seeing the Midnight Express. Just when I thought that this Jimmy Valiant stuff couldn’t get any stranger, I present to you…Ronnie Garvin in drag.

Will someone explain this Miss Atlanta Lively stuff to me? On second thought, maybe I’m better off not knowing. The lights in the arena go out, as the voice of Jim Cornette tells us that midnight is about to fall upon Starrcade ‘85. He then announces the Midnight Express, which is Bobby Eaton and Dennis Condrey. All three men come to the ring wearing tuxedos. Is this a tuxedo match? I’m going to guess it isn’t, based on the way Valiant’s crew is dressed. However, the Express fight this whole match in their tuxedos.

The match starts off with Lively spraying powder into Eaton’s eyes, while Valiant and Dennis fight on the outside. Condrey is quickly busted open by a chair. In the ring, Garvin’s wig keeps coming off, but he tries to fix it. Valiant launches Eaton a good ten feet across the floor, as they fight in the crowd. He manages to fight back into the ring, but the Express get whipped into each other and Eaton is back on the floor. Eventually, the Express take control, with some of their own powder, and Dennis busts open Valiant with his belt.

They then try to pants Lively, but thankfully Garvin is wearing panty-hose underneath. Valiant starts trying to rip off the Express’ tuxedos, but they fight back. The cameraman manages to miss Valiant being taken out on the floor, so I have no idea how it happened. Cornette gets into the ring and nails Lively with his tennis racket and the Express begins beating him down. They bring Valiant into the ring and Condrey holds him on the mat, while Eaton goes for the Alabama Jam, but Lively catches Eaton with an uppercut, as he jumps. He then pins Eaton for the 3 count. After the match, Valiant and company strip Cornette to his boxers, but the Express save him.

What was that!? That was awful. I have been waiting to see The Midnight Express, but this wasn’t a good way to start. It wasn’t their fault. It is just that I am growing tired of all of the Valiant stuff. I know I will probably get hate for saying that, but what I’ve seen so far has not been good.

Winners: Valiant & Lively

Weaver is with Magnum T.A., who still is a bit bloody. He says that there is jubilation in the back because Magnum has won the U.S. Title. Magnum says that the belt is back where it belongs. He says that it should never have come down to an I Quit match, but that was what it took to get his belt back. Now things will start all over again. He says that the U.S. Title is the most prestigious title, BAR NONE…except for the World Title, he adds.

He says that he’s not going to put the title up in a closet. Magnum name drops Nikita, Landell, and Arn Anderson as possible opponents and says that it’s a fighting champion’s belt. He says that he went through the battle of his life earlier and probably left a part of himself, in that ring, that he will never get back. Magnum then finishes by saying that if anyone wants to take the belt off of him, he’s not a hard man to find. It was a great promo. I can definitely see why they pegged him as the next big thing. It’s a shame that his career gets cut short.

Cage Match for the NWA World Tag Team Titles: The Rock n’ Roll Express w/ Don Kernodle vs. Ivan & Nikita Koloff (c) w/ Krusher Khruschev

The Russians come to the ring to the Russian national anthem and some spooky red lighting. The song almost finishes playing, but the Rock n’ Roll Express theme cuts it off at the last second. The crowd pops loudly for this. The announcer tells us that the two teams have chosen Kernodle and Krusher as their corner-men. Before the match can start, there is a loud “USA” chant, and Ivan tries to cover Nikita’s ears for a moment.

Nikita powers his way to an advantage to start, but the Express soon use their speed to “befuddle” the Russians, as Caudle puts it. They gain control and slam Ivan’s head into the cage until he is bleeding. They make frequent tags and hit flying axehandles off of the top rope. This lasts for a little bit until the Russians gain control with eye rakes, and Robert starts taking his usual beating. The Russians use frequent tags and biting until Robert is bleeding as well. At this point, I’m a little confused as to why Earl Hebner is enforcing the rules so strongly since it’s a cage match. Even Tony points out that the wrestlers don’t have to abide him if they don’t want to. Even the teams seem to forget this fact, as they use ref distractions to do their cheating.

At one point, the Russians almost get a 3 count on Robert, but he gets a foot on the rope. Hebner ends up getting bumped, but never really stays motionless. Ricky manages to make a blind tag to Robert and Ivan gets rolled up from behind for a 3 count. After the match, the Russians attack quickly and manage to throw Ricky over the top of the cage and to the floor. Kernodle is down on the floor, but the cameraman once again missed what happened. The Russians hit a triple team move and start whipping Robert with a chain until help finally arrives.

It was a good enough match, but it felt like they were having a normal tag match that just happened to be in a cage. Everyone, at some point, forgot that it was even a cage match. The cage didn’t add much.

Winners: The Rock n’ Roll Express (New Champions)

NWA World Title Match: Dusty Rhodes vs. Ric Flair (c)

We are back to Atlanta, for the main event. Thank goodness there is not a special ref for this match! Finally, we get a Starrcade main event without some horrible refereeing. Dusty’s music starts. Thankfully he’s traded the sexy jazz, from last year, for some more generic sounding 80s rock. He psyches himself up in the entryway, before heading to the ring. Flair is out next, and for some reason the security makes him stop, for just a second, halfway down the aisle. We get the ring announcements and I notice that we still don’t have the Big Gold Belt (When does that debut?). Dusty struts around to start, but Flair isn’t impressed. A fan in the crowd starts what would be a match long chant of “DUUUUUUSTY RHODES. WOO WOO WOO WOO!!” It grows annoying very quickly.

Dusty knocks Flair down and he bails to the outside. Then they trade strikes, before Flair bails again. They go into some holds and Dusty reverses a hammerlock. Flair regains control, by kicking Dusty in his ankle. Dusty has to bail out of the ring and hobble. Flair tells the ref to get Dusty back into the ring and the ref yells “I’m trying”. Dusty catches Flair trying to grab him and stomps on Flair’s ankle. Dusty works Flair’s ankle for a while and tries for a Figure Four, but Flair pushes him away and Dusty comes up limping. They fight back and forth and Dusty gets a sloppy cross body off the top for only a 2 count. At one point, Dusty goes for a kick in the corner and Flair moves. Dusty hurts his ankle again.

Flair attacks the leg and gets a Figure Four of his own, but Dusty manages to flip it over, so Flair gets a rope break. Flair chops and punches Dusty, who hulks up and hits him with some bionic elbows and a clothesline. He covers for a 2, but gets pushed on top of referee Tommy Young. Tommy is dazed and gets knocked to the outside, which gives the Andersons a chance to attack. Arn is fended off, but Ole hits Dusty from behind. Flair makes a cover, but the ref is slow getting in, so it only gets a 2 count. Flair is frustrated and gets rolled up into a small package by Dusty for a 3 count. Wrestlers run in to lift Dusty up in celebration, but they can barely get him off the ground. Flair and the Andersons bail to the outside and Flair looks pissed.

It was a really good match, but I have to admit that it never fully clicked with me. I liked the story that they told and it never got dull, but it wasn’t nearly as good as I’ve seen people say that it was. However, it was still far better than their match in ‘84.

Winner: Dusty Rhodes (New Champion)

Tony is in the dressing room with Dusty, as wrestlers enter and begin pouring champagne onto him. Tony says that it is a moment that will live in wrestling history. I’m surprised that he didn’t call it the greatest night in the history of the sport. Dusty says that he did it for the textile workers, the auto workers, the car workers (Isn’t that the same thing?) and all the blue collar workers. He says that he worked his way up from the bottom and will be champ for a long time (I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news for you Dusty). He says that nobody can beat the people, the world, or the American Dream. It was a great, but short Dusty promo.

Tony and Bob then end the night by recapping the show. They say it was a night that no one will forget. Bob says that this is Dusty’s 3^rd time to be champion and maybe this time he will hold it for a long time (Again…bad news). Bob then mentions that it’s the 50^th anniversary of Jim Crockett Promotions and thanks everyone for making it a great 50 years. They then say that they will see us at Starrcade ‘86 and we end with some highlights.

Final thoughts:

This was far better than ‘84. However, I think the show might have been over-hyped for me. It wasn’t a bad show, but it wasn’t the outstanding show that I had heard about. The I Quit Cage Match was phenomenal and there were a couple of other good matches, but there was still a lot of filler that I didn’t care for. There was also that mess with Valiant. I would still say that it was overall a good watch. Definitely go watch the I Quit match if you get the chance.

Thank you for reading. Up next will be WrestleMania 2.